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T.-5.DENIS0N & COMPANY 



CHICAGO 




DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Lari^e Catalo|{ue Free. 
Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid^ Unless Different Price is Given. 



I 



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TAINMENTS. Etc. 

M. F. 

After the Game, 2 aots, 1J4 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

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All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 

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(25c) 5 5 

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Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

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Editor-in-Chief. 1 hr (25c)10 

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Eulalia, IJ^ hrs (25c) Optnl. 

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Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

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Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

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It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 

acts, 154 hrs (25c) 4 3 

Jayville Junction, IJ^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Jedediah Judkins, T. P., 4 acts, 

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Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

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VA hrs (25c) 10 



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(25c) 5 2 

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Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

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Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

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his (25c) 7-3 

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FARCES, COMEDIETTAS. Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 11 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2.2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min .... 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min . . 5 
Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T. S. DENISON A COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



\ARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN 



A COLLEGE COMEDY IN 
THREE ACTS 



BY 

WALTER BEN HARE 

AUTHOR OF 

"A College Town;' ''A Rustic Romeo;' "Savageland;' 

''The Fascinators;' and ''A Southern 

Cinderella" 



Dedicated to 
my brothers in Alpha Tau Omega, 
my pals in Theta Nu Epsilon and 
my associates in Phi Beta Kappa. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



40 



P535I5 

AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN 



CHARACTERS. 

Aaron Boggs A Freshman from Splint erville 

Happy Jimmie Jamieson A Susceptible Junior 

Beau Carter A Prominent Senior 

Pepper Jervis Studying Repose at College 

Epenetus p. Boggs A Pillar of Splinterville 

Mr. Chubb Born Tired 

Casey Jones A College Politician 

Second-hand Abey Who Does his Friends Good 

Miss Elyzabethe .Maudelia Feeny, nee Lizzie Feeny., 

A Waitress, but a Perfect Lady 

Mrs. Chubb A Boarding-house Keeper 

Mrs. Pickens Likewise 

Miss Evelyn Newcomb A College Belle 

Lois Hunter A Girl's Friend 

Cherry Carruthers With a Changeable Heart 

LoRETTA Rea A Romantic Junior 

Miss Dollie de Cliffe, w^^ Chubb. .A Vaudeville Queen 
Students, Co-eds., etc. 



Place — Any Small Co-educational College. 



Time — The Present. 



Time of Playing — About Two Hours and Thirty Minutes. 



Notice — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by the Publishers. 



COPYRIGHT, 


1913, BY EBEN 

2 


H. 


norris. 


0)C!. 


D 34766 







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O 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN, 



SYNOPSIS. 



Act I — The College Campus. 

In college years, when life's at Spring, 
The old love seems a little thing, 
^ And heads are turned by the college whirl, 

<r^ And the Freshman seeks a college girl. 

Act II — A College Boarding-house. 

Off with the old love, on with the new, 
^ But often the newer love won't do. 



^ The sweetest rose is the old rose pressed — 

\ And I sometimes think that the old love's best. 

Act III — Same as Act II. » 

^^ For a college life is a thing apart, 

And a college love is a whim o' the heart. 

But the heart beats true, though the world seems slow, 

When you love the girl that you used to know. 



SYNOPSIS FOR PROGRAM. 

Act I — The campus on the opening day of school. Up- 
per, classmen on the fence sing eollege songs. The new 
football star. '*They captured him in the- railroad shops 
and the coach has entered him in the domestic science 
department." ''He's going to take plain sewing and cross- 
stitch, but he can bite off the ears of any two football 
centers in the State at the same time!" Abey, the second- 
hand man, does the students good. 'T'm down for Elocu- 
tion and Greek art, and I always take English I, I've had 
it three years !" Elyzabethe Maudelia makes a few remarks 
on the higher education. 'T don't know who you are, little 
Cutie Cut-up, but I presume your name must be Mountain 
Air, because you're so fresh." Cherry longs for Dayton 
and Harold. The College Queen holds her court. Paw 
brings Aaron to college. ''He graduated from the Splin- 



4 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

terville High School in June and made one of the finest 
addresses ever heerd on the Sphnterville platform." Aaron 
is hazed and Lizzie Maud meets an old beau. '*Got the 
rope? Now for the lake!'' A slight mistake. "Lizzie Maud, 
you're a fairy princess!" 

Act II — Casey Jones, the college politician, decides to 
run Aaron for president of the Freshman class. ''If I'm 
elected I'll follow convictions and not instructions!" To 
college landladies. ''Slaving fer eleven students and every- 
one a hyena in a Norfolk jacket." "I got oatmeal to burn, 
and sometimes I do." Mr. Chubb learns Mrs. Pickens' 
opinion of him. Beau receives a telegram. ''He is the 
grandson of Stephen J. Boggs, the multi-millionaire." "Only 
twelve million? I wonder how he manages to live!" The 
rush begins. The Vaudeville Queen takes a short vacation. 
The College Queen makes. a hit with Aaron to the disgust 
of the faithful Lizzie Maud. "Farewell, farewell, my own 
true love !" The serenade. "Why did I ever send that tele- 
gram? It's all over, it's all over!" 

Act III — Cherry and Happy make fudge and incident- 
ally love. "You don't think that I'd try to jolly you, do 
you?" Aaron elected president and Lizzie Maud prevents 
a quarrel. "If you're ever going to be a society success, 
you can't be talking to a hired girl." "I resign right now — 
you see I thought you wanted me for myself, not for my 
grandfather." Chubb brings home the load, but forgets 
the wood. "Me working like a slave and him downtown^ 
making a human faucet out of hisself !" Cherry and Happy 
find the Promised Land. "She said she'd take me on one 
condition — that was easy, I entered college with six!" 
Aaron and Lizzie Maud. "It's taken me quite a while to 
learn where I belong here at college, but at least I've found 
myself — and I've found you!" 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 



STORY OF THE PLAY. 

On the opening day of a small co-educational college 
in the Middle West a congenial group of students are 
assembled on the historic college fence. Prominent among 
the number are Beau Carter, one of the ''big'' men of the 
college, and Pepper Jervis, who came to school to learn 
repose. After some good-natured chaffing Happy Jimmie 
Jamieson, the most popular boy in college, arrives. He 
announces his intention of becoming a grind and, replying 
to the persiflage of the crowd, says that he is to be married 
as soon as he leaves school. Jim_mie, however, is noted for 
his affaires d'amour and soon is busily engaged flirting 
with a homesick little Freshman from Da3^ton, O. Miss 
Cherry Carruthers (the little Freshman) is also engaged 
to a man back home, but is very glad to receive the atten- 
tions from the gallant Jimmie nevertheless. Quite a crowd 
of students and co-eds are assembled by the fence when 
Mr. Epenetus P. Boggs arrives bringing his son Aaron to 
college. The students have Mr. Boggs make a speech and 
promise to give Aaron a warm welcome. Mr. Boggs de- 
parts for his native village of Splinterville and Aaron is 
left to the tender mercies of the upper classmen, who 
immediately proceed to haze the Freshman. The heroine 
of the play, Miss Elyzabethe Maudelia Feeny, a very lady- 
like waitress, is also from Splinterville, where she was 
known as Lizzie Feeny. She encounters Aaron and by a 
clever subterfuge saves him from a ducking in the lake 
and causes the hazers to duck one of their own number, 
v/hom they mistake in the dark for Aaron. 

Act n shows the interior Mrs. Chubb's select board- 
ing-house for students. Aaron has procured rooms here 
and is snubbed by the more aristocratic clientele until 
Beau Carter receives a telegram informing him that Aaron 
is the grandson of Stephen Boggs, an eccentric multi- 
millionaire. He immediately becomes the lion of the school 



6 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

and is shown marked favors by Miss Newcomb, the col- 
lege queen. His old sweetheart, Lizzie Maud, is forgotten 
in his newly acquired popularity and he is invited to be- 
come a candidate for president of the Freshman class. 

Act III shows the rapid progress of the love affair 
between Jimmie and Miss Carruthers and the despair of 
Lizzie Maud as she realizes that Aaron has entirely moved 
from her horizon. Aaron is elected president of the Fresh- 
man class but the boys discover that the telegram was a 
hoax and that he is no relation to the multi-millionaire. 
They immediately give him the cold shoulder and Aaron 
at last finds his true place in the college world and finds 
the faithful Lizzie Maud waiting for him. 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Aaron Boggs — Aged about eighteen, a slow, ungainly, 
awkward country youth, very timid in a crowd but with 
certain ideas of his own and a fearlessness in expressing 
them. In Acts I and II he wears an ill-fitting "best'' suit 
of light checked material. Trousers too tight and too short, 
bright socks and ungainly shoes, celluloid collar, store- 
made tie, very short vest and coat much too small. Funny, 
old-fashioned derby hat. In Act III he is entirely changed 
and is dressed in the full regalia of a typical college sport. 
Extreme style. 

Happy Jimmie Jamieson — A bright, snappy college lad 
of about twenty. Very well dressed and ''smooth.'' Dif- 
ferent fall suit in each act. 

Beau, Pepper and Other Students — Similar to Jim- 
mie Jamieson. 

BoGGS — Aged about fifty. Make-up like a small town 
merchant in his Sunday clothes. Somewhat exaggerated 
but not indicating too much of the stage rustic. Large 
valise, umbrella and old silk hat, bandana, etc. 

Chubb — Age fifty, gray wig and whiskers. Generally 
dissipated look. Clothes somewhat worn. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 7 

Abe — Typical Jew make-up. Derby hat pulled over ears. 
Old clothes. Carries a bundle of clothing. 

Lizzie Maud — Aged about nineteen. Dress made in 
ultra fashionable style but of gaudy colors and very cheap 
material. Much cheap jewelry. Hair arranged in an exag- 
gerated fashion. This part is intended as a caricature and 
cannot be costumed too outre. 

Mrs. Chubb — Stout lady aged about forty-five. White 
hair. Spectacles. Three changes of costumes suitable to 
scene. Dresses rather old-fashioned. 

Mrs. Pickens — Thin lady of about forty-five. Eccen- 
tric street costume and "old-maid'' make-up. Speaks very 
decisively. 

The Girls — Acts I and II, pretty campus dresses and 
hats suitable for autumn. Act III, pretty party dresses. 



PROPERTIES. 

Act I — Green carpet down. Flower beds made of boughs 
and artificial flowers. Practical fence. Two garden seats. 
Luggage for Happy. Clothing for Abey. Tobacco and 
papers for Pepper. Catalogue for first student. Parasol 
for first girl. Catalogue for Cherry. Box of divinity candy 
for Lois. Large watch for Epenetus. Wallet and silver 
dollar for Aaron. Long rope for Happy. Handkerchief 
masks for Happy, Pepper and students. 

Act II — Carpet down. Old-fashioned furniture, pic- 
tures, pennants, pillows, etc. Telegram for Chubb. Step 
ladder for Chubb. 

Act III — Fudge cooking in chafing dish. 



Note — The songs in this play are all sung to airs familiar to nearly 
everyone. They can be found in the book "Home Songs/' which 
we will send postpaid upon receipt of price, 50 cents. 



8 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

SCENE PLOT. 
Act I. 

Wood Drop 

Wood/ ^ , , ^ , , AWood 

/ • Practical Fence \ 

Wings/ I I Park Bench Park Bench I I \wings 



If it is desired to elaborate the scene a flower bed of 
geraniums may appear down R. and a large tree down L. 
with a circular seat. Green carpet down and grass mats 
and potted plants (pots covered) around stage. Flower bed 
may be easily arranged with green boughs and artificial 
flowers. 



Acts II and III. 





Boxed Interior 


/ Chair n 

/ Chair ^_^ 
/ D Q Table 


Small TableO \ 
Chair D ^ 

Rocking <^^\ . 
Chair SotaX^ >y 

° Chair n\ 



Note: For Act III the rocking: chair is moved from C. to up L. and the 
small table is moved from up L. to L. C. for fudge. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right cen- 
ter; L., left; 1 E., first entrance; U. E., upper entrance, 
R, 3 E., right entrance up-stage, etc. ; D, F,, door of flat 
or back of the stage ; up stage away from footlights, down 
stage, near footlights. The actor is supposed to be facing 
the audience. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN 



Act I. 



Scene: The college campus on the opening day of 
school. Waod wings and background. Across the rear 
runs the college fence, whitewashed and wide enough to 
sit on. This fen><:e is about three feet high and may stand 
close to back drop, as no character passes behind fence. 
Entrances R and L. Down L. near the stage is a common 
park bench and a similar bench is down R. If it is desired 
to elaborate the scene a flower bed of geraniums may 
appear down R. and a large tree down L. with a circular 
seat. Green carpet down and grass mats and potted plants 
{with pots covered) around stage. A large flozver bed may 
easily be arranged with boughs and artificial flowers. The 
fence extends across stage. Lights on fidl at rise. 

Pepper^ Beau and some seven or eight other Students 
discovered at rise of curtain. Pepper and Beau are down 
L. on bench. First Student (Cad) is down R. Male quar- 
tet down R. grouped for singing. {This quartet is helpful 
but not essential to play.) Several students sitting on 
fence, playing mandolins and guitars. Time about 4 o'clock 
on a September afternoon. Before curtain rises the boys 
are heard singing to mandolin and guitar accompaniment. 

OPENING CHORUS. 

{Sung by all in unison to the tune of ''Maryland, My 
Maryland/' or ''Tannenbaum.") 
Alma Mater, once again 
Swells our tribute fond to thee, 
College boys and college men 
Love their university. 

With loving hearts a song we raise, 

A song of faith, a song of praise. 

And every son will loyal be 

To our university. 

9 



10 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Though years may come and years may go, 
Summer bloom and winter snow. 
Still our thoughts will turn to thee, 
To our university. 

With our loving' hearts a song we raise, 

A song of faith, a song of praise, 

And every son will loyal be 

To our university. 

(// desired male quartet under tree R. may now sing 
unaccompanied to tune of ''The Soldier's Farewell/') 
How can we bear to leave thee. 

One parting cheer we'll give thee, 
And then whate'er befalls us, 

We'll go where duty calls us. 
Farewell, farewell, a parting glee. 
Farewell, dear university. 

Pepper. Say, boys, it certainly does seem good to get 
back to the old place again. I'm glad I'm not a senior. 
It must be tough to have to graduate and leave the old 
campus forever. 

Beau — You needn't worry. Pepper Jervis. If you wait 
till you graduate, you won't leave the old campus for some 
time. 

Pepper. Stung! Right in the solar plexus. All right, 
old head, I may be here some time yet; but take it from 
me, little Pepper Jervis isn't going to leave till he's re- 
quested to. (Rises and takes C.) 

Beau. If you're not a little more careful this year than 
you were last, you'll get the request all right. 

Pepper. Oh, tie a tin can on all that copybook stuff. 
What's the use of spoiling the first day of school by talk- 
ing about past sins? 

First Student. What did you do all summer, Pepp? 

Pepper. Sold books. The Complete History of the 
African Race, bound in black pig. A dollar down and a 
dollar a month for thirteen years. And, believe me, I was 
some capering little book agent. Cleared nearly four hun- 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 11 

dred iron men, and that's doing pretty well for the eldest 
son of a prominent family. 

Beau. Going out for track this year? 

Pepper. Not me. I came to college to learn repose, 
and you can't learn repose by going out for track. I sup- 
pose you are? 

Beau. Sure. They couldn't get along without me. 

Pepper. That's the truth. Somebody is always obliged 
to come in last. 

First Student. Have you seen the new Fresh out for 
the team? 

Beau. You mean McGoogin? He's a dodo! 

Pepper. He's all of that. Weighs 227. They captured 
him in the wild and wooly districts of the railroad shops 
where he was teaching an iron boiler how to take a joke. 
He talks backward, but his heart's in the right place. The 
coach has entered him in the University in the domestic 
science department. I think he's going to take plain sew- 
ing and cross stitch, but he'll be a great credit to the Uni- 
versity. He can bite off the ears of any two centers in 
the state, at the same time. 

Beau. Are you returning many men, Cad? {To First 
Student.) 

First Student. About eight. I ought to be over to the 
house now. 

Pepper. So had I. We've got 'leven back. 

First Student, Has Happy Jimmie Jamieson come in 
yet? 

Beau. We are waiting for him here. He ought to be in 
by now. I heard the train fifteen minutes ago. 

Pepper. If there was a good looking girl on the train, 
we won't see Happy until after supper. Poor old Hap! 
He'll fall for anything. 

Happy {ojf stage L.) Hello, fellows! Hello! 

Pepper. That's his voice. {Crosses to L.) Hello, Happy 
Jimmie Jamieson! 

Others. Hello, Happy. Come here! On the fence, on 
the fence! 



12 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

The Boys cross to L. to meet Happy, who enters with 
tzvo suitcases and a leather hatbox in his hands, a hag of 
golf clubs szvnng over shoulder. He comes down C. and 
the others all group around him. 

Pepper. Sure glad to see you back, old top. (Happy 
puts luggage on stage.) 

Happy {shaking hands). Hello, Pepp, old scout! HowVe 
you been all summer? Hello, Cad! How's all the folks? 
And old Beau, how does your corporosity sagatiate ? 

Beau {shaking hands). Fine and dandy. You're look- 
ing mighty fit. Going out for track? {At L. C.) 

Happy. Nope. Nothing like that this year. Pm not 
going to do a thing, but study. {At C.) 

All. Study! Then your pipe {pause — then quickly) 
went out! 

Pepper. A fat lot of studying you'll do. {At R. C.) 

Happy. It's the truth. Pm going to cut all the merry- 
merry out of the program. The happy little Sophomore 
who took a daily course of twenty-four hours in Girls, 
Golf, Football and Tango has vanished forever, and in 
his place, gentlemen, behold Mr. James Jamieson, dig, 
grind, student, who spends his days making A's and his 
nights in the library and laboratory. 

Pepper. Oh, Happy, you make me want to laugh. 

Happy. Go ahead. You came to college to cultivate 
Repose ; Beau here came to cultivate the Cinder Track 
and the Sorority House; I came here to get a diploma. 
And why? Gather round and listen. It's a dark and ter- 
rible secret. I'm going to be married. 

Beau. Married? That's nothing; I've been engaged six 
times. 

Happy. Yes, but it never took. Fellows, this summer I 
met the nearest approach to a damson plum ever seen out- 
side the theater. Look, here's her picture. Ain't she some 
corkerino? Her name is Gladys. 

Pepper. She does look kind o' nifty! {Crosses and sits 
on fence.) 

Happy {zvitheringly). Oh, she does! Well, let me tell 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 13 

you, Pepper Jervis, she's not only nifty, she's supreme. 
Did you get that? Supreme! Just look at the way her 
eyelashes curl. And you ought to see her in lavender! 
Honest, fellows, she's got the Broadway Beauty looking 
like a has-been. 

Beau. She's got pretty eyes. 

Happy. Pretty eyes! Say, you ought to see her eyes. 
They're like velvet and fire and violets. And her expres- 
sion. Fellows, just notice that expression. 

Pepper. Gee, you've certainly got it bad. I can see your 
finish. Iron bars and the padded cell for poor old Happy. 

Happy. That's why I'm not coming out for the track, 
Beau. Can you blame me? When a fellow wins a girl like 
that, it's up to him to cut out all his fooling and get down 
to business. I've got to get my diploma before I can land 
a job, and I've got to have a job before I can marry 
Gladys. Look at her lips, look at her lips ! Did you ever 
see a more perfect Cupid's bow? And the way the hair 
curls over her neck. 

Pepper. You used to rave just th6 same way about that 
little blonde at the bookstore. 

Happy. Who did? Pooh, she can't hold a candle to 
Gladys. I know I've flirted a lot with other girls, but I 
never cared for one like I do her. That photograph doesn't 
do her credit. She's got the sweetest cheeks, just a little 
tinge of delicate pink. And when she laughs — oh, fellows, 
you ought to hear her laugh! 

Pepper. Rave on, misguided youth; rave on! (Comes 
down L.) 

Happy. Bah! I feel sorry for you, Pepper Jervis, 
downright sorry. You don't know anything about girls. 
Wait till you see her — that's all — just wait till you see her. 

Beau. Are you ready to go up to the house? 

Happy. In a minute. (Looks around.) Gee, the old 
campus looks natural. Many of the fellows back yet. 
Beau? 

Beau. About 'leven or twelve. 

Happy. What kind o' material is out for the team? 

Pepper. Great! We're going to have the finest center 



14 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

in the State. He weighs 227 and talks reversible English. 
The coach caught him in the boilermakers' union and per- 
suaded him to come to college and take some light work in 
domestic science. He's a dream. 

Happy. That sounds mighty good. What kind of 
Freshmen have shown up? 

Beau. A little worse than usual. The trouble with this 
University is that it is becoming entirely too democratic. 

Pepper. Is your old lady coming back? 

Happy. Who, Benny? Why, haven't you heard the news. 
Benny's married. 

Beau. By Jove! 

Pepper. Quit your kidding. 

Happy. Its true. Got married in July. That's where I 
met Gladys. I was old Benny's best man and Gladys 
was the maid of honor. It seemed just like fate. In less 
than two days we were engaged. And honest, fellows, 
she's got the dreamiest eyes — 

Pepper. Who did old Benny marry? 

Happy. A Miss Nelson. Gladys is her cousin. And the 
first time I met her she was at the station — 

Pepper. Have you picked out a roommate yet? 

Happy. No, not yet. It's going to seem funny without 
old Benny. We roomed together for three years. Now, 
Benny wasn't what you might call an ideal roommate, but 
I was getting used to him. I'll miss him, too. I suppose 
you would miss a boil on the back of your neck, it you'd 
had it long toough. (At C.) 

Beau. I haven't picked out a roommate myself. (At 
L. C.) 

Happy (quickly). I'm going to room with a Freshman. 
I want a nice, tidy, little Freshman who'll brush my 
clothes and hang them up, collect che laundry, keep the 
tobacco jar filled, and clean up the room when rowdies 
like you come to visit me. 

Pepper. Are you going back to the Angels'? (At L.) 

Happy. You better bet I am. I signed up last year for 
the bay window room downstairs. I wouldn't room any 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 15 

other place. Is she going to let you come back? (First 
Student at R. C.) 

Pepper. You bet she is. She's tickled to death to have 
me. She says I give a sort of tone to the house. (Other 
Students up stage.) 

Happy. Yes, you do, but the tone's a discord. 

Beau. I've got the front room up stairs. 

Pepper. You have not. 

Beau. What's that! 

Pepper. I said you were mistaken. 

Beau. That sounds better. But as a matter of fact, 
Fm not mistaken. I just came from there. Unpacked this 
morning. 

Pepper. The Angel has rented that room to me. 

BeaUo I rather think not. I have a written contract. 

Pepper. Why, all my things are there. 

Beau. Oh, no; they zvere there; but I took them out 
and put them in the little back room. 

Pepper. You had a lot of nerve. 

Happy. Wait a minute. Back to your corners. Wait 
'til the referee calls time, and then take your places in 
the ring. {Coming between.) 

Pepper. But the Angel promised that room to me. 
(At L.) 

Beau. And the Angel's husband has given it to me. 
(At C.) 

Pepper. I'll not give it up. 

Beau. Oh, I guess you will. 

Pepper. We'll see about that! 

Happy. Time! There you go — off agin, on agin, gone 
agin, Finnegan! Why don't you both take the room and 
live together. (At L. C.) 

Beau. I won't give it up. 

Pepper. Neither will I. 

Happy. That settles the matter. Heaven bless you, my 
children, and long life and prosperity to your union. 

Enter Abey from R. with several suits and overcoats 
on his shoulder. 



16 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Abey. Good afternoon, chentlemens. Anything in my 
line for old Abey, hay? And nice clothes you want to get 
some money on? (Comes to R. C. Beau crosses and sits 
on fence.) 

Pepper. Abey, Abey, you're too soon. Why, this is only 
the opening day of school? 

Happy. And you haven't welcomed us back to the 
springs of knowledge. (Coming C.) 

Abey. Chentlemens, chentlemens, in behalluf of der 
Second-hand Clothing Dealers and Money Lenders' Asso- 
ciation, of which I am der honorary president, I velcome 
you vonce more to our classic little city. Chentlemens, 
we have missed you, unt I must also say dot ve hah 
missed your money. We liaf longed for you, unt now dot 
you have come back — 

Happy. You'll rob us of every cent we have before Oc- 
tober. 

Abey. Oi, oi, such a language! We are not robbers. 
Twelve per cent iss not robbery; it iss business. Unt my 
young friends remember dot Satan always finds somebody 
for idle hands to do. Boys, come by my store unt see me. 
I've got some brand new joisies, der twelve dollar unt a 
kervarter kind, marked down to ninety-seven cents ; I'm 
robbing myself of good money on every von I sell, but I 
vould do anything for der students. Unt I've got some 
new Norfolks, regular all-in-der-vool goods for thoiteer 
dollars, unt if dot ain't a bargain, vot is it? 

Happy. Have you got my perfectly good full-dress suit 
yet ? 

Abey. Have I got it? Sure, I have. All der summer I 
haf guarded it, like so much fire insurance. I could haf 
sold it over tventy times, but I vos keeping it for my 
friend. Und dot ish my old-time motto : Alvays do your 
friends good. 

Happy. I'll come around tomorrow and look at it. 
Much obliged for keeping it for me, Abey. Let's see, you 
let me have seven dollars and eighty cents on it in June. 
I'll bring up the money tomorrow. 

Abey. Sure. I have pressed dot suit up nice. You can 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 17 

have It for only thoity dollars— unt I lose money on it at 
der price. It cost sixty dollars, if it cost a cent. 

Happy. Yes, but you only gave me seven dollars and 
eighty cents for it. 

Abey. Oi, oi, didn't I get it at a bargain? But you 
couldn't expect me to sell a seexty dollar full-dress suit 
for seven dollars unt eighty cents, is it? 

Happy. You're a robber, Abe; a brow-beating, Yid- 
disha robber. 

Abey {reproachfully). Oh, Meester! Dot ain't a nice 
vay to talk to your old friend Abey. Business is business, 
unt I always live up to my old-time motto : Alvays do your 
friends good. 

Happy. Yes, you live up to that, all rights all right. 

Pepper. Abey, I want you to come up to my room at 
the Angel's next Sunday morning at eleven o'clo(;k. My 
roommate isn't coming back and I'm going to hang a red 
flannel shirt out of the window, ring a bell and auction 
off all his effects. 

Abey. I can't come on Sunday. It's my wife's beertz- 
day. Yetta vill be dirty next Sunday. 

Pepper. I'll bet she will. How old are you, Abey? 

Abey. I'm dirty-two. 

Pepper. Yes, I know you are — ^but how old are you? 

Abey. I said I vos dirty-two. 

Pepper. Well, why don't you take a swim? Honest, 
Abey, were you ever real clean? 

Abey {smiles slowly). Sure. I come clean from Russia, 
but dot vos seventeen years ago. • 

Pepper. And what are you going to give your wife for 
a present? 

Abey. Oi, oi, I've got der fine beertzday present for 
Yetta. It's something for der neck. 

Pepper. Oh, a nice red coral necklace? 

Abey. No, sir; it ain't a necklace. 

Happy. Maybe it's a fur collar? 

Abey. Of course it is not. Yetta would get lonesome in 
a fur collar. 

Beau. Probably it's a La Valliere? 



18 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Abey. Oi, oi, it couldn't be dot; dot doiVt sound 
kosher. 

Pepper. Well, what are you going to give her? 

Abey. A nice two-fora-kervarter cake of soap. 

Beau. By Jove, that's awful generous of you. 

Happy. I bet Yetta will be pleased. 

Abey. Unt don't you chentlemens got anything dot 
you vont to sell cheap? Veil, ven you have, don't forget 
your old f rient Abey. Remember my old-time motto : Al- 
vays do your friends good. (Exit L.) 

Happy. Ain't he the original human ant-eater? 

Beau. Say, w^ho's got the makins? 

Happy. Right straight from home on the first day of 
college, and without the makins. What's the answer? 
Beau Carter. 

Pepi^r. Here you are. Beau? 

Beau. Much obliged, Pepp. (Makes and smokes a cigar- 
ette on fence.) 

First Student. Say, Happy, where you goin' to grub 
this year? 

Happy. The Angel's going to make room for four. 

First Student. Better come up to our place. We've 
got the original maple sugar nectarine as a waitress. She's 
never seen a student before and her name is Pearl. 
(At R.) 

Happy. Poor Pearl! Cast before the swine. (At C.) 

Pepper. Fll bet she isn't one, two, three with our Elyza- 
bethe Maudelia. Elyzabethe Maudelia is the most aristo- 
cratic culinary assistant in town. She's a perfect lady and 
has read everything the Duchess ever wrote, by skipping 
the long words. (At L. C.) 

Beau. She's the only drawback at the Angel's. Why, 
she wears all the jewelry on the ten-cent counter and uses 
loud perfume. 

Happy. She begged the Angel not to take anyone but 
Freshmen. She says that ever since Pepper and I have 
been in the house, she hasn't a nerve in her body. 

First Student (who has been reading catalogue). Oh, 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 19 

look here ! Popp Long's offering a new course. Newspaper 
writing. Five times a week. Til jot that down. 

Beau. Popp's courses are all cinches. 

Pepper. Five hours credit! 

Happy. When does it come? {Takes catalogue.) 

First Student. At eight o'clock. 

Pepper {aghast). Eight o'clock! That lets me out. I 
can't get up in the middle of the night, even to get five 
hours credit! The night's short enough as it is. 

Beau. What are you going to take? 

Pepper. Principally repose. Then I'm down for elocu- 
tion and history of Greek art. And I always take English 
One. I've had it three years, and I've figured out that 
they'll use the same examination questions this year .that 
they did three years ago. So I'm sure of that. 

Beau {to Happy). What have you got mapped out? 

Happy. The regular work for a first-class Junior. I'm 
going to work hard, too. Gladys expects it of me, and I 
couldn't disappoint Gladys. She has the most trusting 
little way, and when I look into her eyes and tell her — 

Pepper. Oh, look! Who's coming down the walk? 

Beau. Who is it? She looks awfully stunning. 

Pepper. Wait until you see her closer. It's Elyzabethe 
Maudelia. 

First Student. The perfect lady who waits table for 
the Angel? 

Happy. The very same. Bunch close, fellows, and pro- 
tect me. Here's where she reads the riot act to little 
Happy. ^ 

Boys all cluster near fence and whistle, keeping time to 
Lizzie's walk. She enters with head held very high and 
slowly walks across the stage in time to the zvhistling. She 
tosses her head and at extreme R. she turns around and 
faces the Students. 

Happy {on fence) — 

There was a young lady named Lizzie, 
In the dining-room always was busy, 



.*^ 



20 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Her manicured air, 
And her pompadoured hair, 
Make all of us dizzy for Lizzie! 

Lizzie. Excuse me, young man, but was you addressing 
them few pert remarks to me? If you was, TU thank you 
to get the honor of an introduction to me before you pre- 
sume to address a lady. I don't like your looks, no how. 
(At R.) 

Happy. Oh, excuse me, fair one. Prithee pity and par- 
don me. (Coming to C.) 

Lizzie. There's one thing more than all the rest of the 
things about you that I don't like. I ain't referrin' to your 
last season's tan shoes, and far be it from me to make 
remarks about your up-country headgear ; what I'm re- 
ferring to is your unpoliteness in not knowing a perfect 
lady when you see her. It's a pity that some of you college 
cut-ups don't remain at home and help father gather in the 
hay, instead of cultivating yourselves at college. And I 
guess that them few remarks will sink in ! 

Pepper (coming down to her, R.). Good evening, Miss 
Elyzabethe Maudelia. 

Lizzie. Say, don't you get so familiar with my front 
name. I might work for my living, as some of you knows, 
by assisting Mrs. Chubb at the table, but that don't give 
none of you Willie boys the right to address me by my 
title. And just you scribble that down in your little paper 
notebook. (At R. C.) 

Beau. Honest, Lizzie Maud, you'd better run along 
now and do your shopping. Some Freshman is liable to 
steal you. (Coming dozvn L.) 

Lizzie. Is that so, Mr. Carter? Maybe when you've 
paid your last year's boardbill and the rent of the room, 
you'll have some right to give advice to the love-lorn. 

Beau. Now, Lizzie — 

Lizzie. Don't hand me none of that confidential stuflf. 
And don't call me Lizzie. Please remember that I'm a 
lady, even if I do wait on table. My paw was an auction- 
eer and I came from one of the very first families in 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 21 

Splinterville. And though I might be in reduced circum- 
stances at the present moment, who can tell what the future 
will bring forth? My name aint Lizzie, so there. 

Beau. I beg your pardon, Miss Elyzabethe Maudelia. 

Lizzie. Well, don't get so gay next time. Fd have you 
understand that Lm getting tired of being treated like the 
dirt under your feet. IVe had my palm read by a gypsy 
and some day you'll be proud that you ever got acquainted 
with me. 

Happy. I'm proud right now. 

Lizzie. I don't know who you are, little Cutie Cut-up, 
but I presume your name must be Mountain Air, because 
you're so fresh. And I guess that you'll ruminate over 
that fer some time. 

Pepper. Allow me to supply the deficiency, Miss Elyza- 
bethe Maudelia. Allow me to present for your acquies- 
cence and approval,. Mr. James Jamieson, better known as 
Happy Jimmie Jamieson. 

Happy. The pleasure is all mine. And some day when 
the fortune promised by the gypsy has materialized — some 
day, I repeat — I'll come on bended knee and be the first 
to congratulate the little Circassian princess who so deftly 
serves the oatmeal and cabbage. 

Lizzie. Don't hand me that line of advertising. You 
ain't the first fresh student I've met. I've lived in a col- 
lege town going on three years now, and whenever one 
of you funny boys spring anything on me, I laugh, just 
like an undertaker. (Sadly.) Ha. ha, ha, ha! 

Pepper. Well, brush by, little Glad Eyes, brush by. 
You'd better get a gait on toward the grocery; they're 
selling prunes at a reduction. 

Lizzie. Prunes? It seems to me I've heard that word 
somewhere, but fer the life of me I can't remember where. 
What is prunes? 

Pepper. Prunes? Why, er — prunes are raisins with in- 
flammatory rheumatism. 

Lizzie. My, but you're the end-man cut-up, all right. 
If you could spring any of that dope on the faculty, they'd 
a let you graduate last year. 



22 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Happy. What time do we dine this evening, Clarice? 

Lizzie. Are you goin' to board again at our house this 
year ? 

Happy. The honor is all yours. Don't forget to put a 
clean napkin out for me. 

Lizzie. I've always said that there was no accountin' 
for tastes. Say, have any of you boys saw anything of 
Mr. Chubb? He's been gone since breakfast — and them as 
knows him knows what that means. From the way he 
invests in liquid refreshments and carries on, I sometimes 
think he must have been a student himself — once. 

Beau. I saw him down town about an hour ago. 

Lizzie. Was he — (pause, then circular staircase ges- 
ture). 

Beau (not comprehending). I beg your pardon. What 
do you mean by — (pause, then same gesture). 

Lizzie. You know. I mean, was he — (pause, then ges- 
ture with both hands). 

Beau. Well, .now that I think of it, I really think he 
was. 

Lizzie. And him a married man. Ain't it jeSt awful! 
His wife sent him downtown early this morning to get 
a load of wood, and this is the way he acts. 

Happy. I'll bet he gets the load all right. 

Beau (looking L.). Oh, look! Somebody's got an awful 
drag with the ladies. 

Pepper (looking L.). It must be Professor X. 

Lizzie (looking). Goodness gracious! He looks like a 
human gas tank. 

Pepper. It's the new football star. 

Beau. And he's surrounded by the girls. 

Happy. Gee, I wish I was a football star. 

Enter from L. a very large man dressed in cheap suit 
of clothes. LoRETTA and First Girl are walking and talk- 
ing to him. Several other Girls surround the group and 
try to talk. First Girl is carrying a parasol raised. 

First Girl. I hope the sun isn't in your eyes, Mr. Mc- 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 23 

Googin. (Man looks at her and starts to speak, when 
LoRETTA turns him around to face her,) 

LoRETTA. Don't you think we have a beautiful campus? 
I think it always looks so poetical in September when it 
seems to be dressed anew to welcome back its sons and 
daughters. 

First Girl. Do you think we are going to have a win- 
ning team this year ? 

LoRETTA. Oh, come over here. I want to show you the 
library. {The Man and Girls exit R, Girls pay no atten- 
tion to Students.) 

Lizzie {to Happy). Well, for a real popular man like 
you say you are, I think you got a decided frosty freeze. 
Who was the decorated ice cart that was the center of 
attraction ? 

Pepper. That's Mr. McGoogin, the .new football player. 

Lizzie. Is he a student? 

Pepper. Oh, yes. He's taking a course in plain sewing 
in domestic finish. 

Lizzie. And why are all the college skirts bunched 
around him like that? 

Happy. Why? Because he's the man of the hour, the 
hero of the gridiron, the original and only scrapping boiler- 
maker who eats iron nails every morning with his eggs. 

Lizzie. And look at the dames. He's making a shining 
hit with the ladies. Honest, sometimes I think that the 
more education a girl gets, the battier she is. I may be 
only a poor working girl, a human slave waiting on table 
in a college boarding-house, but, thank heavings, I'm no 
co-ed. {Exits R. loftily.) 

Pepper. The girls never even noticed us. 

Happy. That's just the way with college girls. Now if 
Gladys had been in that crowd — 

Beau. Let's trail over to the library and see the last act 
of the circus. 

Pepper. Gee, I wish I was a football boilermaker. 

Beau {looking R.). Look! They're pinning a red rose 
on McGoogin. 



24 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Pepper. Mother, mother, mother, pin a rose on me. 
(Exits R.) 

Beau. Come on^ fellows; let's investigate. (Exit R., 
followed by Men.) 

Happy. Gee, I wish Gladys was a co-ed. It's going to 
be awfully lonesome here without her. She said she'd 
write to me every day — and she's got the sweetest ways. 

Enter Cherry Carruthers from L., slozvly. She sits on 
seat at L. and raises her handkerchief to her eyes. 

Cherry {after slight pause). I don't like it. I don'c 
like it. I don't want to go to college. Everything's so dif- 
ferent here. Oh, I wish I was back in Dayton. 

Happy. Oh, look who's here. {Comes toward her.) 

Cherry {rises). Are girls allowed to sit here? 

Happy. Of course. {She sits and turns her back on 
him,) 

Cherry. Thank you. 

Happy. Oh, don't mention it. Pleasure, I'm sure. {She 
opens catalogue and pays no attention to him.) Rather 
warm, isn't it? {Pause, she reads catalogue.) Yes, I think it 
is rather warm. {Crosses to C.) It is warm. {Crosses to 
R.) Good afternoon. {Exits R.) 

Cherry. He's gone. {Rises.) He seemed to be awfully 
afraid of me. Now a boy in Dayton never would have 
done anything like that. I know I'm not going to like this 
old school. {Crosses to seat at L. and sits.) Nobody seems 
to care anything about me. And I can't understand the old 
catalogue — and I don't like my room — and I want to go 
back to Dayton, I want to go back to Dayton! {Cries.) 

Enter Lois from R. 

Lois. Hello, what's the matter? Why, it's the little 
Freshman. {Crosses to her and sits on bench with Cherry.) 
What's wrong, little Cherry girl? 

Cherry. Oh, Miss Hunter, I'm so lonesome. I don't 
think Fm going to like it here at all. 

Lois. I know what's the matter. The first day I came 
to college I was just the same. The faculty insisted on my 
taking the very things I didn't want, and the girls were 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 25 

strange and hard to get acquainted with. Every other girl 
in college seemed to have bushels of chums and merry 
groups passed me all day long. The meals were awful 
and my room was a regular little chicken-coop. I was all 
alone and homesick, awfully homesick. 

Cherry (sobbing). That's just the way I feel. Nobody 
seems to care anything about me. The girls were lovely 
this morning, but now everyone else in the whole school 
has paired off and Tm the odd one. (Sob.) At home I 
never was the odd one. 

Lois. And you won't be here for long, little Cherry. 
There's only one cure for a homesick Freshman. 

Cherry. And that is? 

Lois. Companionship. Here, take some divinity and 
we'll sit here together and rail at the world. 

Cherry. Divinity! (Sobs.) Oh, I never want to see 
any divinity again. I couldn't bear it, and just as I was 
beginning to forget! Oh, why did you remind me of 
•divinity? (Eats candy.) 

Lois. Why, I thought every little college girl loved 
candy. And this is simply grand! 

Cherry. It is awfully good. But it's the recollection I 
can't bear. We made divinity the night before I left Day- 
ton. And when we parted at the station next day his lips 
were all sticky with dignity. And now I won't see him 
again until I go home for Christmas. And maybe he'll go 
home with some other girl! Oh, I want to go back to 
Dayton! I don't like college at all. 

Lois. Have some more. 

Cherry. Thank you. (Eats.) You are so comforting. 

Lois. Suppose we take a little walk. I know what we'll 
do. We'll take a stroll down Lovers' Lane. 

Cherry. Oh, is there a Lovers Lane here, too? 

Lois. Yes ; come on. We'll explore it to the end. Just 
you and I. 

Cherry. We have a Lovers' Lane at Dayton. But the 
girls never go there by themselves. Just girls together, I 
mean. The others wouldn't think it was fair. 

Lois. It's different here at college. Do you want to go? 



26 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Cherry. No, thank you; it would be too painful. I 
always used to walk down Lovers' Lane every evening at 
twilight in Dayton — with him! And now, maybe, this very 
minute he might be walking down there with some one 
else. Oh, I think college life is just awful. 

Lois. No, you don't. It's the grandest thing in the 
world. Come, let's go up to your room and we'll have a 
cosy little talk. I'll help you unpack. 

Cherry. Will you? And I'll show you his picture. He's 
the dearest thing. His name's Harold and he's a blonde. 

Lois. Just think of the nice long letters you can write 
him. Is he tall? 

Cherry. Of course not. The idea! What could I do 
with a tall man? He's two and three-eighths inches taller 
than I am. 

Lois. I want you to meet some of the college men. 
There's a boy here who will make an awful hit with you. 
He just adores little girls. 

Cherry. I don't care to meet him. Harold wouldn't 
approve of it, I'm sure. What's his name? 

Lois. Jimmie Jamieson. Everybody calls him Happy 
Jimmie Jamieson. 

Cherry. What a cute name. Happy Jimmie Jamieson. 
Is he good looking? 

Lois. Awfully. All the Freshiilan girls adore him. Last 
year all the other fellows used to call him Kindergarden 
Comfort. 

Cherry. Hateful things. They were just jealous! 

Lois. He just came back today. 

Cherry. Do you know him very well? 

Lois. Of course I do. Everybody in college knows Happy. 
He's a prominent part of a girl's curriculum. You can't 
get your degree unless you've been rushed by Jimmie 
Jamieson. 

Cherry. The idea! You're making fun. Harold would 
be perfectly furious if I let another man rush me. That's 
the way he is at home. And he trusts me so ; oh, he trusts 
me! So you see I couldn't let another boy come to see me, 
when Harold feels like that? What color are his eyes? 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 27 

Lois. I think they are gray in the daytime, but at the 
dusk of twihght they seem to-be purple, just like the inside 
of a deep shadowy violet. 

Cherry. How lovely! You'll present him, won't you? 

Lois. Of course. You'll make an awful hit with Happy. 

Cherry. Honest, do you think he'll like me? 

Lois. Of course he will. 

Cherry. I think that other man was just horrid. 

Lois {laughs). Mr. McGoogin? But he's going to be a 
college hero and do wonderful things for our football 
team ; so, of course, every loyal daughter of the University 
wants him to have a pleasant time. 

Cherry. Is that why the co-eds always run after the 
athletes ? 

Lois. Well, that's one of the reasons. 

Cherry {looks). Oh, who is that girl out there in tan? 

Lois {looking). That's Miss Newcomb ; Miss Evelyn 
Newcomb. 

Cherry. She must be awfully popular here. Just see, 
there are one, two, three, four, five, six men all being po- 
lite to her at once. 

Lois. That's one of Evelyn's little ways. 

Cherry. She looks awfully stunning. 

Lois. She is stunning. She's the most popular girl in 
school. . 

Cherry. What makes her so popular? She isn't as 
pretty as some of the girls I met this morning. 

Lois. Evelyn always does the proper thing at the 
proper time. She won't let any one man monopolize her, 
but keeps all of them guessing. And then she's awfully 
bright and wears the best looking clothes in college. 

Cherry. I thought men never knew what a girl was 
dressed in. 

Lois. You'll learn differently at college. That's the way 
four-fifths of the men size a girl up. 

Cherry. Does Miss Newcomb belong to your crowd? 

Lois. Evelyn belongs to our crowd, little Cherry. 
You're one of us now. 

Cherry. Am I — honestly? 



28 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Lois. Yes, indeed. I think youVe met all the other girls 
except Evelyn. Evelyn isn't around the house much. 

Cherry. Who is the man with her now? 

Lois {looking off R.). That's Beau Carter, one of the 
most prominent men in college. 

Cherry. No, I mean — the other one. The cute fellow 
with the ingrowing hat. 

Lois. The one with the golf bag? 

Cherry. Yes; look at him talk! 

Lois. Do you think he is cute? 

Cherry. Oh, yes — awfully! 

Lois. Im glad you do — that's he. 

Cherry. Not Happy — I mean, not Mr. Jamieson? 

Lois. Yes, that's Happy. Now, don't you think he's a 
dear? 

Cherry. He's a darling! You'll introduce him, won't 
you? 

Lois. But what would Mr. Harold of Dayton say? 

Cherry. True. I hadn't thought of that. What would 
Harold say? But maybe he'd never know. Dayton's over 
three hundred miles -away, you know. 

Lois. Poor Mr. Harold. Here's where he'll have to take 
a back seat. 

Cherry. Nothing of the kind. Why, Harold is all-in-all 
to me. No living man could ever come between us. But 
I don't think he would care if I sirhply met another fel- 
low. He isn't at all unreasonable, and a girl at college 
must be agreeable to everybody. Mr. Jamieson looks like 
he would be awfully good company. 

Lois. They are coming this way. The retinue ap- 
proaches. Hail to the Queen! Hail to the Queen! 

Enter Evelyn, attended by Happy, Beau, Pepper and 
other students. They group at R. Cherry is seated L. 
with Lois. 

Happy (as they enter). You know, Miss Newcomb, it 
seems awfully funny for me to be engaged. She's the 
dearest little thing. I wish you could meet her. She has 
the dreamiest eyes — 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 29 

Evelyn. Really ! 

Beau. Do you care to sit down, Evelyn? 

Evelyn. Thanks, Beau. (Comes C.) Isn't that Lois 
over there? 

Beau. Yes. (At R. C.) 

Lois (coming to Evelyn at C). Evelyn, I want you to 
meet one of our new little girls, Miss Carruthers. 

Evelyn (crossing to Cherry). So pleased. (Shakes 
hands, Lois goes up stage. Beau follows Evelyn, Pep- 
per at C, and Happy R, C.) You are to be congratulated, 
Miss Carruthers — and so are we. I'm ever so glad that 
you are one of us. 

Cherry. Thank you. 

E^VELYN. May I present Mr. Carter? 

Beau. Charmed. 

Evelyn. And Mr. Jervis. 

Pepper. Pleased to meet you. 

Evelyn (sitting at L.), I suppose you are going to 
room at the Hall ? We are to have such a congenial crowd 
this year. 

Happy (coming to Evelyn). Hm! Hm! (Coughing to 
attract her attention. Beau stands back of Evelyn and 
Pepper goes up to Lois.) 

Evelyn. Oh, I beg your pardon, Happy. I was almost 
forgetting you. This is Mr. Jamieson. 

Cherry. How do you do ! 

Happy (sitting betzveen Evelyn and Cherry and 
speaking eagerly to Cherry). Do you know. Miss Car- 
ruthers, when I first saw you sitting here I " felt right 
away that we w^ere going to be awful good friends. You 
remind me so much of a girl I know at home. Honestly, 
I thought at first that you were she^ and she's considered 
to be the prettiest girl in Memphis. But now that I see 
you closer I see that your eyes are ever so much prettier 
than hers. 

Cherry. Oh, Mr. Jamieson. 

Happy. Honest they are. Don't think I'm trying to 
hand you any hot air. Everybody here knows that I am 
absolutely sincere. 



30 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Evelyn (rising). I suppose I will see you at dinner, 
dear.* 

Cherry. Yes, thank you. 

Evelyn. Shall we go, Beau? 

Beau. Just as you say. (They go up and join Pepper 
and Lois.) 

Happy. How do you like it here at college? 

Cherry. Well, I like it better now than I did. 

Happy. You musn't get homesick. There's too much 
excitement here to let anyone worry about the folks back 
home. 

Cherry. Oh, Em sure I won't be homesick. 

Happy. And you musn't get lonesome. Ell tell you 
what to do. You let me come to see you sometimes. That 
will keep you from getting lonesome. 

Cherry. I think you are awfully kind. It's so nice of 
you to take notice of a poor little Ereshman. 

Happy. Oh, that's where I live. 

Cherry {puzzled). I beg your pardon? 

Happy. I mean poor little Ereshmen are the idols of 
my heart. And honest — say, you certainly remind me of 
a friend of mine named Gladys. You look awfully like 
her. She's a queen. 

Cherry. But Em sure I don't look like a queen. 

Happy. Yes, you do, too. Ell bet you've heard all that 
before in your home town. 

Cherry. The idea!- The boys in Dayton never call the 
girls queens. And besides, I haven't anyone to call me 
that anyway. 

Happy. Honest, ain't you? Say, what's the matter with 
the boys in Dayton? 

Cherry. Nothing at all. But I suppose you say that to 
every girl you meet. 

Happy. No, I don't. I never met a girl who looked as 
much like a queen as you do. 

Cherry. Didn't you? 

Happy. You're the first one. 

BoGGS {heard outside L.). Come right along, Aaron, 
and don't ye be afraid! 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 31 

Aaron. All right;, paw; rm coming. 

Enter Boggs from L,, followed by Aaron. Boggs comes 
dozvn C. and Aaron stays near him, but a little up stage, 

Boggs. Say, young feller {to Pepper^ who is R. C), 
I want to ask ye a question. 

Pepper. All right, sir; what can I do you for? 

Boggs. What kin you do me fer? Not fer a dern thing, 
and don't you fergit it. I'm Epenetus P. Boggs and I'm 
on the school board to hum in Splinterville. I've jest been 
in seeing your president and interducin' him to my son 
Aaron, who's come down here to be a scholar. 

Pepper. Then allow me to Vv^elcome you and your son 
to our University. We have with us tonight, ladies and 
gentlemen, the Honorable Up-and-at-us Foggs from Splin- 
terville. 

All. Hurray! (Quickly). Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, 
rah ! Rah, jah^ rah ! Foggs, Foggs, Foggs ! 

Boggs. Thank ye kindly. But you've made a slight mis- 
take, sonny. My name ain't Foggs; it's Boggs — Epenetus 
Boggs ! 

Pepper (quietly). My slight mistake. » All together, fel- 
lows. 

All (with rooting gestures). Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, 
rah! Rah, rah, rah! Boggs, Boggs, Boggs! 

Boggs. Agin I thank ye kindly. You see I take a great 
interest in your University. I take an interest in your 
University because I am a member of the school board 
to hum in Splinterville! 

All. Rah, rah, rah ! Rah, rah, rah ! Rah, rah^ rah ! Splin- 
terville ! 

Boggs. As 'I was saying, I take a great interest in your 
University. Secondly, because I have chose it fer the place 
fer my son Aaron to come to college. 

All. Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, rah! 
Aaron, Aaron, Aaron! 

Pepper. Speech, Aaron! Speech! 

BoGGS. Sonny, they want you to make 'em a speech. 



32 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Aaron. I don't know none, paw. I don't want to. 
(Speaks very slow and bashfully.) 

BoGGS. Say 'em the one about Spottycus to the Roming 
Gladiators. 

Aaron. I forget that one, paw. 

BoGGS. I guess you'll have to excuse him, boys. He's a 
fine speecher, too. He graduated from the Splinterville 
High School in June and made one of the finest ad-dresses 
ever heerd on the Splinterville platform. 

Pepper. We are indeed honored, Mr. Boggs, to have 
him in our midst, as it were. 

BoGGS. I thought you'd feel thataway about Aaron. 
He's ginerally purty stiddy, but he's jist naturally full of 
the old Harry, and when he gits het up jest as like as not 
he'll raise Cain. Now, son, I want ye to go kinder slow 
down here at college, Aaron. 

Aaron. All right; I will, paw. 

Boggs. Don't git to flirtin' too much with the gals. 
{To others.) Aaron's a dabster hand with the wimmen 
folks. And don't learn to play football, ner the guitar, .ner 
poker. Remember ye came to college to git an education 
and not to cut up no didoes. I don't want ye to be flarin' 
around in none o' these nightshirt parades, Aaron. They 
ain't proper. A Httle singing on the Glee Club won't hurt 
ye none, but ye wanter be sure of one thing, and that is 
to git your full night's sleep. Don't let me ketch you settin' 
up after nine o'clock a burnin' the midnight oil ; it ain't 
healthy. 

Aaron. All right, paw. 

Pepper. Have you found a hash-house yet? 

B(?GGS. Found a what? 

Pepper. A feed joint — a boarding-house. 

BoGGS. Oh, yes; Aaron's goin' to live at' Mrs. Chubb's. 

Beau {breathlessly). At the Angel's? 

Pepper. Say, Beau, will you room with me? 

Beau. In a minute. 

Pepper. Then that leaves Happy — 

Beau. For the gentleman from Splinterville. 

Boggs. The president was real tickled to think that I'd 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 33 

chose this school for Aaron. He said he hopes Aaron 
would be a credit to the institution. If he knowed Aaron 
like I do, he would have knowed he'd be a credit to any 
institution. 

Happy. Let's give three cheers for Aaron. 

All. Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, rah! 
Aaron, Aaron, Aaron! 

BoGGS. Aaron, son, they're certainly glad to see you. 

Pepper. How are you fixed for laundry? 

Aaron. Fixed all right. I'm wearin' a clean collar — 

BoGGS. And he's got another one up to his boardin' 
house. 

Happy. Did you blow in on the afternoon train, Mr. 
Boggs ? 

BoGGS. You bet I did. I blew in as much as three dol- 
lars and sixty cents. And I bought a box o' figs from the 
train boy. (Takes out large watch.) Sonny, I've got to 
hurry along to ketch the train. Ye won't be homesick, will 
ye? 

Aaron. No, sir. 

BoGGS {shakes hands with Aaron). Neow, don't fergit 
to put on your heavy underwear when it gits cold, and 
be sure you're in bed every night at nine o'clock. I'll look 
for a letter from you once a week. 

Aaron. All right, paw. 

Boggs. I must hurry along. That's the way to the rail- 
road depot down there, ain't it? 

Pepper. Yes, sir; you can't miss it. Now, fellows, all 
together ! 

All. Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, rah! 
Boggs, Boggs, Boggs! 

Aaron. Good-bye, paw. 

Boggs. Good-bye. Now, be a good boy, sonny. 

Aaron. Yes, sir. 

Boggs {crosses to L. and then turns). And don't fergit 
the heavy underwear. 

Aaron. I won't, paw. 

BoGGS. Good-bye, sonny. {Exit L.) 



34 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Boys (skip around Aaron and sing) — 
Oh, we won't do a thing Ho Aaron, 
We won't do a thing to Aaron, 
We won't do a thing to Aaron, 
The Fresh from Splinterville. 

Evelyn. Come on, girls. I think the boys want to inter- 
view the Freshman. 

Lois. Don't hurt him, Pepper. No matter how fresh he 
is, be a friend to him — for his father's sake, and mine. 

Pepper. He- must have made a hit with the wimmen 
folks already. 

Lois. No ; but his father is such a dear old man. And 
he is completely wrapped up in sonny. 

Evelyn. Coming, Lois? 

Lois. Yes. Promise me. Pepper? 

Pepper. All right. FU promise. (Lois crosses L. and 
joins Evelyn. Cherry starts to follozv.) 

Happy {intercepting her). You're not going? 

Cherry. Yes. The girls want me. 

Happy. Say, little lady, you're all right. Remember, 
w^hen you go home just write in your diary, that you've 
made a big hit with Happy Jimmie Jamieson. 

Cherry. You say the nicest things. 

Happy. Are you dating this evening? 

Cherry. I don't think so. 

Happy. Fll be on the front steps at eight. Are you on? 

Cherry. Fll look for you. Good-bye. {Exeunt Girls 
at L.) 

Beau {at L. C. with Aaron). So you're name is Foggs? 

Aaron. No, sir, it's Boggs. 

Beau. You should never contradict a senior. If I say 
it is Foggs, it is Foggs. 

Aaron. Yes, sir. 

Pepper. And where are you from, Freshman? 

Aaron. From Splinterville. 

Pepper. Don't forget the "sir." 

Aaron. Yes, sir. 

Beau. And why did you come to college? 

Aaron. I don't know. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 35 

Pepper. And Sophomores are to be treated to three 
fingers. 

Beau. That's a nice answer. Don't you know why you 
came to college? 

Aaron. To get some more schoolin', I guess. 

Happy. Say, young man, have you got a catalogue yet? 

Aaron. A catalogue? Yes, sir. I've got one from 
Montgomery Ward & Co., but I didn't bring it to college. 

Happy. No, I mean a college catalogue. That manual 
of useless information that informs the misinformed and 
instructs the uninstructed. Have you got one? 

Aaron. No, sir. Where do I get it? 

Happy. Right here. I'm the little original catalogue 
seller on this side of the campus. Here it is. Price, one 
dollar. 

Aaron. Do I have to have it? 

Happy. Of course you do. If you didn't, how would 
you know what classes to attend and when they come, 
just listen to this. (Reads.) ''All students are under help- 
ful and moral influences from the moment they arrive. 
(Speaks.) Isn't that worth a dollar — to get under helpful 
and moral influences the moment you arrive ? You're under 
'em now. 

Aaron. Am I? 

Happy. And just listen to this. (Reads.) 'The neces- 
sary expenses of the University amount to about $190 per 
annum." I tell you, son, this book is better than a fairy 
tale. Every one of these gentlemen has one. Come on, 
hurry up ; you're obstructing the line and keeping other 
purchasers from buying. 

Aaron (takes out huge wallet). Excuse me. 

Happy (taking dollar). And there you are. I also give 
you permission to read the catalogue on the campus. That 
permission goes with every purchase. 

Aaron (reading book). Thank you, sir. 

Beau. See here, young man, what right have you got to 
read in the presence of a Senior? 

Aaron. I don't know. 

Beau. Seniors are to be treated with respect. 



36 AARON BOGGS. FRESHMAN. 

Aaron. I think V\\ go up to my room. 

Happy. Have you ever heard anything about hazing? 

Aaron. No, sir; what's that? 

Happy. It's a kind of secret society at college. 

Aaron. And air ye goin' to let me belong? 

Happy. Surest thing you know. The first thing you 
have to do is to obey orders implicitly. 

Aaron. Do I get tossed in a blanket? 

Happy. That comes later. Just at present there is a 
little piece you'll have to learn. I gathered from your 
father that you were something of an orator. 

Aaron. Yes, sir; I won a silver medal at a temperance 
contest. I can speak pieces real good. 

Happy. This isn't a long piece. We are doing this to 
test your powers of obedience. It is now three minutes to 
five o'clock. For fifteen minutes you are to stand right 
here and whenever anyone passes you are to give them 
the hazing salute. That shows that you belong to the 
society. 

Aaron. Yes, sir. How do you do it? 

Happy. First catch their eye. Then touch your fore- 
head — so ! Then give them a little wave of the hand — so ! 
Remarking at the same time, ''How-de-do, my name's 
Aaron; I'm a Freshman from Splinterville." You see we 
want everyone to know who you are. 

Aaron (imitates). Is that it? "How-de-do? My name's 
Aaron. I'm a Freshman from Splinterville." 

Pepper (applauding). Great! You're sure to make a 
big hit at college. 

Happy. And remember that whatever happens you 
musn't say anything else. 

Aaron. Yes, sir. (Mumbles words to remember them.) 

Beau. You are to keep this stunt up until we come and 
relieve you. Understand? And repeat it to anyone who 
happens to pass. 

Aaron. Yes, sir. (Gesture.) My name is Aaron — 

Happy. Hold on there. You've forgotten the ''How— 
de-do !" Now try again. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. Zl 

Aaron (salutes). How-de-do? My name's Aaron. Fm 
a Freshman from Splinterville. 

Happy. Fine. You'll be a credit to the society. Come 
on, fellows; let's go down to the field and watch the 
practice. (Exit R. with Beau.) 

Pepper. We'll be back soon, Aaron. 

Aaron. Yes, sir; Fll get along all right. 

Pepper. College life is going to make a man of you. 
(Exit R. with Boys.) 

Aaron (salutes). How-de-do? My name's Aaron; Fmi 
a Freshman from Splinterville. 

Enter from L. two middle-aged Professors conversing 
in pantomime. 

Aaron (coming to them and saluting). How-de-do? 

First Prof. How do you do, sir. • 

Aaron. My name's Aaron. Fm a Freshman from Splin- 
terville. 

First Prof. Ah^ er — very glad to hear it, I'm sure. 

Second Prof. How vurry extraordinary! 

First Prof. Do you suppose he is quite sane? 

Second Prof. Probably as sane as any student can be. 
(They exeunt R, conversing.) 

Enter Abey from L. 

Abey. Ah, good afternoon, mine friend. Haf you got 
any old cast-off dothing you vant to sell old Abey? 

Aaron (saluting). How-de-do? 

Abey. I'm kervite well, thank you. 

Aaron. My name's Aaron ; I'm a Freshman from Splin- 
terville. 

Abey (shaking hands). I'm delighted to make your ac- 
quaintance. But haf you got any — 

Aaron. My name is Aaron ; I'm a Fresh — 

Abey. Chure; you told me dot dere first time. 

Enter from R. Mrs. Chubb and Mrs. Pickens, talking. 

Mrs. Pickens. And when he asked me if I could let 
him have a room for two dollars a week, I actually had to 
laugh. These students are getting so that they actually 



38 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

want the earth with a gilded fence around it, and all for 
two dollars a week. 

Mrs. Chubb. Fm only taking four this year. 

Mrs. Pickens. I've got eight already, and by putting 
three in my front room, TU have 'leven. (Sees AbeyJ 
Abey, I want you to come up to my house tomorrow. 

Abey. Yes, mam. Vot can I do for you? 

Mrs. Pickens. I held young Holloway's trunk fer his 
boardbill in June, and I haven't heard" a thing from him. 
So I'm going to sell off his things to you. 

Aaron (to Mrs. Chubb). How-de-do? My name's 
Aaron — 

Mrs. Chubb. Yes, I met you this afternoon. You're 
going to board with me. 

Aaron. I'm a Freshman from Splinterville. 

Mrs. Chubb. Yes, your paw told me. We're going to 
be right good friends, Mr. Boggs. 

Aaron. My name's Aaron. 

Mrs. Chubb. Well, I'll call you Aaron, then; it seems 
more homelike. 

Mrs. PicicENS (to Abey). Now, don't you disappoint 
me. 

Abey. I'll be there ven der vhistle blows. 

Mrs. Pickens. I'll show these here students that they 
can't get the best of me! 

Mrs. Chubb. Sometimes I think you are too hard on 
the boys, Violet. 

Mrs. Pickens. The idea! It's business with me. 

Abey. Dot's der right idea. I've got a good old-time 
motto for my friends der students. 

Mrs. Pickens. What is it? 

Abey. Always do your friends good. (Exits R.) 

Mrs. Chubb. Nov/, ain't that nice. Always trying to 
do good to everybody — and him only a Jewish gentleman, 
too. That's a good motto, Violet. 

Mrs. Pickens. Motto, bosh ! I'm a hard working woman 
with eleven student imps of darkness to look after. And 
the price of prunes and rice has gone right straight up. 
Goodness only knows how I'll pull through this year. 



AAROX BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 39 

Mrs. Chubb. My boys are always content with what I 
give them. 

Mrs. Pickens. Mine ain't! I never see sich a lot of 
kickers, and Til bet a round, Ved apple that not one of 'em 
gets half as good at home. Are you goin' down town? 

Mrs. Chubb. Yes, Vm looking for Elyzabethe. 

Mrs. Pickens. I can't see why on earth you keep that 
girl. She don't earn her board. 

Mrs. Chubb. Oh, yes, indeed she does. Lizzie is a real 
good girl — and so ladylike, too. 

Mrs. Pickens. Well, it ain't none of my business, of 
course, but if I was in your place I'd fire her before she 
could say scat! And then I'd make that husband of yours 
take her place. 

Mrs. Chubb. Hennery does all he can. He ain't in good 
health, you know, Violet. 

Mrs. Pickens. I guess all that's troublin' him is fear 
o' work. You'll excuse my talking plain to you, Mary, 
but I always talk right out to my friends. 

Mrs. Chubb. Yes, I know you do. 

Aaron {muttering to himself). Always do your friends 
good. 

Mrs. Pickens. What's that you said, young man? 

Aaron. How-de-do. My name's Aaron; I'm a Fresh- 
man from Splinterville. 

Mrs. Pickens. Say, you look here, young man; what 
are you tryin' to do — sass me? If you are I'll report you 
to Prof. Z. as sure as my name is Violet Pickens. I don't 
allow no student to get fresh with me. 

Mrs. Chubb. There, there, Violet, he didn't mean no 
harm. He was tryin' to introduce himself, that's all. You 
see, he's from the country. 

Mrs. Pickets. He'd better not cut up any monkey- 
shines around me! 

Mrs. Chubb. He wasn't, at all. Why, he's one of my 
boys. He thought he was bein' polite to you. 

Mrs. Pickens. Well, if that's the case, I won't report 
him. But you know yourself, Mary Chubb, what some of 
these students are. 



40 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Mrs. Chubb. We'd better be hurryin' along, Violet. 
The stores close so early. 

Mrs. Pickens. Yes, I suppose we had. (At L. en- 
trance.) But as I was saying there ain't a student livin' 
who can get the best of Violet Pickens. {They exeunt L., 
talking.) 

Aaron. I wonder when them boys '11 be back. 

Enter Cherry and Lois from L. 

Aaron {saluting). How-de-do. My name's Aaron; I'm 
a Freshman from Splinterville. 

Lois. Oh, they are hazing him. Isn't it pathetic? 

Cherry. I think it's awfully funny. {Approaches 
Aaron.) 

Aaron {mechanically). My name's Aaron. I'm a 
Freshman from Splinterville. 

Cherry {innocently). Is Splinterville a town or a sum- 
mer resort? 

Aaron. How-de-do. My name's — 

Cherry. Yes, it's Aaron. Aaron, where's Aloses? 

Aaron {to Lois). My name's Aaron — 

Lois. So glad to have met you. 

Cherry. And how's all the folks in Splinterville? 

Aaron {miserably). How-de-do? My name's — 

Cherry {imitating). How-de-do. My name's Carruth- 
ers. I'm a Freshman from Dayton. 

Aaron {forgetting). Honest, are you a Freshman, too? 
Oh, I forget! How-de-do! , 

Lois. Come along, Cherry. You shan't make fun of him 
any longer. {Crosses to R.) 

Cherry {at R.) Good-bye, Aaron. Remember me to 
Splinterville. {Exit R., followed by Lois.) 

Aaron. Gee, I wish I was back home in Splinterville. 
All the folks in town is down at the depot now watching 
the evening train to come in. I wonder if they miss me. 
I wish I'd went back with paw. 

Enter Lizzie from L. She meets Aaron in C. 
Aaron {saluting). How-de-do. My name's Aaron. Im 
a Freshman from Splinterville. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 



41 



Lizzie (losing her dignity), Splinterville ! Did you say 
Splinterville ? 

Aaron. How-de-do. My name's — 

Lizzie. Them eyes! It's him; it's him! Aaron. (Goes 
toivard him.) 

Aaron. What's the matter? Are they hazin' yeou, too? 
(Backs away.) 

Lizzie. Aaron — look at me close — (following him). 

Aaron. That's what I'm doing. 

Lizzie. It's just like a romance! Don't ye know me? 
Don't ye recognize me? 

Aaron. Seems like I do, but I can't place you. 

Lizzie. I'm Lizzie — Lizzie Maud Feeny from Splinter- 
ville. 

Aaron. Oh, you hain't neither! 

Lizzie. I am. And he don't recognize me. This is too 
much. 

Aaron (looks at her closely). Honest! I believe you are. 
Why, I'd never a knowed ye in the world. You look like 
a princess. 

Lizzie (modestly). Oh, you Aaron! 

Aaron (shakes hands warmly), I'm tickled to death to 
see ye, Lizzie Maud. You remind me of old times. When 
I used to be — 

Lizzie. Yes, you used to be my beau. 

Aaron. And now you're a fine college lady. You're a 
queen. 

Lizzie. No, I ain't. I'm only Lizzie Maud. 

Aaron. And to think it's you. (Shakes hands again.) 
Here at college! Gee whiz! 

Lizzie. Aaron, what are you doin' down here? 

Aaron (proudly). I'm being hazed. 

Lizzie (breathlessly). Why — are — you a student? 

Aaron. You bet I am. (Proudly.) I'm a Freshman. 
Paw brung me to college today. 

Lizzie. Ain't that just heavenly! 

Aaron. Are you a student, too? 

Lizzie. Aaron Boggs, why ain't you writ to me? 



42 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Aaron. Cause all the girls in Splinterville said you had 
a college fellow and that you had give me the mitten. 

Lizzie. It ain't true ; not a word. 

Aaron. And ye ain't gone back on me? 

Lizzie. You knOw I ain't. I might be capable of many 
things, but heaving knows there ain't a deceitful hair in 
my pompadour. I'm not saying that I ain't had the stu- 
dents wild after me, but I always liked you the best, 
Aaron. And so you're a Freshman. 

Aaron. Yes, siree. I'm going to be a lawyer. I gradu- 
ated second in the High School this year. There was three 
in the class. 

Lizzie. Let's walk along that way. (Points to R.) 

Aaron. I dassen't. Lm being hazed. 

Lizzie. Who's hazing you? 

Aaron. A fellow called Beau and a lot more. It's lots 
of fun. 

Lizzie. They shan't do it. They're making a fool of 
you, Aaron Boggs. 

Aaron. No, they ain't. I'm too cute for that. I'm 
joinin' their society. 

Lizzie. Joinin' fiddlesticks! I'll show that Beau Carter 
a thing or tw^o. What did they tell you to do, Aaron? 

Aaron. Just to stand here till they came back and say 
that little piece. 

Lizzie (anxiously). They didn't say anything about 
dropping you in the lake, or tossing you in a blanket, or 
any nice little college festivity like that, did they? 

Aaron. They said something about a blanket. (Proudly.) 
I want 'em to give me the whole dose. 

Lizzie. Is that all you want? Well, you'll get it, all 
right, all right. (Lights down a little.) 

Aaron. I'm to wait right here by the fence for them. 

Lizzie. And then you'll get it. 

Aaron. Of course I v/ill. 

Lizzie. It's a shame to treat a poor boy like that. And 
he trusts rhem, too. (Blue light effect zvith the zvhite, 
evening effect.) 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 43 

Aaron. They told me not to say 'anything but my 
speech. 

Lizzie. It's that Beau Carter. I always thought he was 
a shine and now I know it. It's not so bad for Sopho- 
mores to 'do a little hazing; they don't know no better. 
But a Senior! He's a pill in spite of his popularity. I'll 
tell you what we'll do, Aaron. I want you to take me home. 

Aaron. I'd like to, Lizzie Maud, the best in the world, 
but honest I can't. They told me to wait here. 

Lizzie. Oh, they did, did they? Well, listen here; those 
fellows are all good friends of mine, and I can square you 
with them all right'. 

Aaron. And won't they be mad at me? 

Lizzie. Of course they won't. I'll tell them that you ^ 
took me home. It's getting dark and I can't go home by 
myself. Now you go over there by the library steps and 
wait for me. I'll be along in five minutes and then I'll 
see the boys at supper and explain that I needed you. I'll 
make it all right. Why, Aaron, every one of them boys is 
my obedient slave. 

Aaron. Well, I'd like to take you home real well. But 
I don't want 'em to git mad — 

Lizzie. They'll think more of you if you act polite and 
see me safe home. 

Aaron. I'm awful proud of you, Lizzie Maud, and you 
look just like a fairy princess. 

Lizzie. That'll be about enough. Now you go over to 
the library steps and wait for me. 

Aaron. Where is it? 

Lizzie. Right up that path, you can't miss it. I'll be 
there in five minutes. 

Aaron. All right; I'll wait for you. (Crosses to R.) 

Lizzie. Hurry on. It's getting dark. 

Aaron. Don't be long, Lizzie. (Exits R.) 

Lizzie. I'll show^ them funny college dubs a trick or 
two they ain't learnt yet. The idea of wanting to haze my 
Aaron, jest because he don't know their college ways. 
They little suspect he has a friend who'll never desert him, 
even unto the bitter, bitter endj 



44 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Enter Beau from L. 

Beau. Hello, Miss Elyzabethe Maudelia, what you doing 
here ? 

Lizzie. I just came up from downtown. 

Beau. You haven't seen anything of a fresh Freshman 
waiting around here, have you? 

Lizzie. You're the only fresh that I've seen in some 
time. 

Beau. I wonder where he is! (Stage darker.) 

Lizzie. I got a message for you, Mr. Carter. 

Beau. You have. What is it? 

Lizzie. It's from Miss Newcomb. 

Beau. From Evelyn? What does she want? 

Lizzie. I seen her down at the milliner store about a 
half hour ago and she asked me to tell you to meet her 
here at six o'clock. 

Beau. To meet her here? 

Lizzie. Them was her very words. "Elyzabethe, dear," 
says she, "please be good enough to ask Mr. Carter, in 
case you should see him, to meet me by the fence at six 
o'clock. I have something very important to tell him." 

Beau. All right, Lizzie. I'm certainly much obliged to 
you. 

Lizzie. Don't mention it, Mr. Carter. 

Beau. It was really awfully good of you. 

Lizzie. Oh, I'm just full of goodness — to my friends. 
Well, I guess it's me to the dining-room. (Crosses to R.) 

Beau. I'll see you at dinner. 

Lizzie. Will you? Not if I see you first.^ (Exit R.) 

Beau (standing in place formerly occupied by Aaron). 
Now, I wonder what Evelyn wants with me! Something 
about the fraternity, I suppose. Maybe she's found some 
fresh material for us. 

. Enter from L,, Happy, Pepper and Other Students, 
cautiously. They carry rope and have handkerchiefs over 
faces. Stage dark. 

Pepper. Got you! (Pepper and Happy grab Beau and 
throw him down. Rough house on floor.) Got the rope? 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 45 

Happy. Here it is. 

Beau. Help! Help! You've made a mistake! 

Pepper. Now for the lake. 

(Pepper and Happy grab his arms, two students grab 
his legs and they carry him off L., screaming. This action 
must be quick and snappy to ''hurry' music that swells as 
curtain falls quickly.) 

picture number two. 

Boys all out. Enter Lizzie and Aaron arm-in-arm 
strolling from L. to R. 

Lizzie. Oh, look, Aaron, the moon is coming out! 
(White flood light.) 

Aaron. Gee, Lizzie Maud, college life is jest scrump- 
tious. 

Lizzie. And the moon; ain't it lovely? 

Aaron. And so are you. You're a fairy princess. 
.(They stroll off R.) 

Slow Curtain. 



Act H. 



Scene: Front room in Mrs. Chubb^s boarding-house. 
Old-fashioned furniture and pictures. Pennants on wall. 
Large table with red cloth down R. Sofa downL. Rock- 
ing chair C. Smaller chairs around stage. Other old-fash- 
ioned pieces of furniture. Entrances C. D. to street; L. to 
rooms; R. to kitchen. Lights on full through the act. 

When curtain is well up knock is heard at C. D. 'Lizzie 
enters from R. and crosses to CD. 

Lizzie (opening door C). Why, it's Mr. Jones. Come 
in, Mr. Jones. 

Enter Casey Jones, C. D. 

Jones. Good morning, Miss Feeny. How are you? 
'Down R. C.) 

Lizzie. Oh, I'm all right, Mr. Jones. I certainly am 
glad to see you back to college this year. (Down C.) 



46 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Jones. I'm glad to get back. I thought maybe you were 
sick. I didn't see you at the moving picture show last night. 

Lizzie. No, I had another engagement. You see a gen- 
tleman friend of mine has entered school as a Freshman, 
and he jest insisted on claimin' my first date. 

Jones. I hear you have a Freshman rooming here, Miss 
Feeny. 

Lizzie. Yes, he's him. He's going to study law. ( Comes 
to R. C) 

Jones. Is it true that Carter and some of his crowd 
were hazing the Freshman yesterday on the campus? 

Lizzie. Well, they started to, but they didn't get very 
far. Mr. Boggs and a friend of his'n were too cute for 
them. They were going to throw Mr. Boggs in the lake, 
but he escaped in the dark, and what do you think they 
did? They saw Beau Carter there and thought he was the 
Freshman! It was dark, you knov/; and they threw Mr. 
Beau Carter in the lake and he got wet! 

Jones (laughs). Threw Carter in the lake! 

Lizzie. Um-hum ! Wasn't that the funniest thing you 
ever heard of? 

Jones (still laughing). I guess that will teach him a 
lesson. 

Enter Beau from L. 

Lizzie. I've often heard of hazing Freshman, but that's 
the first time in the history of the school that a prominent 
Senior was ever throwed in the lake. 

Jones (laughs). And by his own crowd, too. 

Beau (coming down). Funny, isn't it? (Down L. C.) 

'Lizzie (laughing loudly). Funny ain't no name for it! 
It's a scream! 

Beau. I suppose you thought that was a cute trick? 

Lizzie (laughing). I know it was. What do you think? 
(Down R. C.) 

Beau. I think it serves me right for stooping to speak 
to my inferiors. 

Lizzie. On your way, on your way! You are interrupt- 
ing a little private conversation! 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 47 

• 

Beau (crosses to C. D). You haven't heard the last of 
that trick yet, young lady! 

Lizzie. Neither have you. It'll be all over the campus 
by the time you get there. 

Beau. Bah! (_Exit CD.) 

Lizzie. He was the funniest thing when he came hqme. 
He looked like a fi'sh. 

Jones. I'm certainly glad that one of that stuck-up 
crowd got what was coming to him. They think that just 
because their fathers have a little money that they can 
run this University. 

Lizzie. That's just what I think, too. This bunch here 
at our house is too conceited to live. 

Jones. I'd like to meet this new Freshman. What is his 
name ? 

Lizzie. Mr. Aaron Boggs. I think, he's upstairs now. 
Take a seat, Mr. Jones. I'll tell him that you are here. 
(Exit L.) 

Jones. If there is anything in this Freshman at all, he 
would be the very man to run for president of the Fresh- 
man class. Turning the tables on Carter and getting him 
thrown in the lake would make the biggest kind of cam- 
paign material. I think I can do it. Even if Carter's crowd 
do run a man for president, with this story we can beat 
'em hands down. 

Enter Lizzie and Aaron from L. 

Lizzie. Mr. Boggs, let me make you acquainted with 
my friend Mr. Jones. 

Jones (crossing and shaking hands zvith Aaron). I'm 
mighty glad to meet you, Mr. Boggs. 

Lizzie. Now, if you gentlemen'll excuse me, there's 
things that's jest got to be did in the kitchen. (Exit R.) 

Aaron. Are you a student here at school? 

Jones. Oh, yes, I'm a Senior. How do you like the 
place by this time? 

Aaron. All right, I reckon. Of course it ain't like 
home — 



48 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Jones. No, it isn't. Especially with the bunch of men 
here at the Angels'. How did you ever get in here? 

Aaron. Paw brung me here, and the lady said she had 
a room empty and paw took it for me. 

Jones. That was quite a little excitement you had last 
evening. 

Aaron. Yes, the boys hazed me. 

Jones. Seems more like you hazed the boys. 

Aaron. Mr. Carter is awful mad at me. He wouldn't 
speak to me last night. 

Jones. That's just how stuck-up these rich students 
are. They think that because a man's father doesn't own 
a touring-car that he has no right at college. 

Aaron. I thought at college that every man was judged 
on his own merits. 

Jones. And so they are by the majority of students. 
I came over to call on you because I thought you'd not 
know many fellows your first day. I thought I could be 
of some help to you. You don't suppose that Beau Carter 
or any of his crowd would do anything like that, do you? 

Aaron. No, sir; I don't suppose they would. 

Jones. I tell you, sir, that we are sick of a few rich 
men running this school, so some of the Seniors have 
been talking the matter over and have decided to run one 
of the other kind for president of the Freshman class. 

Aaron. Do you mean run a poor boy? 

Jones. I mean run someone who is not dominated by 
the influence of Beau Carter and his crowd. 

Aaron. I think every boy should be given a square deal. 

Jones. How would you like to be president of your 
class ? 

Aaron. Me? 

Jones. Yes. After that afifairjast night you'd have an 
awful drag with all your classmates. The whole college is 
laughing at Carter this morning. I've waited three years 
for this opportunity to get even with him — and now I'm 
going to do it. 

Aaron. How? 

Jones. By defeating his candidate for president. And 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 49 

you are the man who is going to turn the trick for me. 
You were cute enough to land Carter in the lake last night, 
and you and I together can be cute enough to control 
politics in this school. 

Aaron. Then you want me to run for president just 
because Carter's joke turned out against him last night? 

Jones. That's the idea. Til give you the biggest cam- 
paign you ever saw — 

Aaron. No, I don't think you will. 

Jones. Oh, yes, I will 

Aaron. Oh, no, you won't. 

Jones. Why not? 

Aaron. Because I ain't going to run. 

Jones. Oh, it will be the easiest thing in the world. 
All you'll have to do is to follow my instructions. 

Aaron. That's just it. If I'm elected president of the 
Freshman class, I'd follow convictions and not instruc- 
tions! I don't know nothin' about bein' president no-how. 

Jones. But you could beat Carter's crowd slicker'n a 
whistle. By noon today you'll be the hero of the campus. 
I'll tell you what I'll do. Don't say anything about this 
just now and this afternoon I'll introduce you to some of 
our crowd and we'll arrange matters then. In the mean- 
time leave everything to me. Goin' over toward school? 

Aaron. No, sir; not yet. 

Jones {crosses to C. D.) Well, I must hurry along. 
Have you got anything on from three till five? 

Aaron. No, sir. 

Jones. Wait in your room for me. I'll drop by for you. 
So long! (Exit C. D.) 

Aaron. Good-bye I 

Enter Lizzie from R. 

Lizzie. Is he gone? 
Aaron. Yes. 

Lizzie. What did he want? 

Aaron. Wants me to run — for president of the Fresh- 
man class. 

Lizzie (clasping hands). Oh, Aaron, that will be 'just 



50 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

grand. That's a awful high honor, and you'll make a per- 
fectly gorgeous president. 

Aaron. I don't want to run for it. 

Lizzie. Now, Aaron Boggs, that ain't no way to talk. 
Where's your ambition? That's the way to learn how to 
be a lawyer. Start right in politics. 

Aaron. But I don't know how. 

Lizzie. You don't have to know how. Mr. Jones knows, 
and that's enough. 

Aaron. I ain't goin' to let no Mr. Jones run me. 

Lizzie. But after you git to be president you can do 
what you please. And I'll get to go to the Freshman's 
ball. Oh, Aaron, it's just heavenly ! 

Aaron. He's just doing it because he don't like Mr. 
Carter. 

Lizzie. That don't make no difference. I guess you can 
show Beau Carter that you're just as good as him. Oh, 
please, Aaron, do it for my sake. 

Aaron. Well, if you want me to, Lizzie — 

Lizzie. You'll make such a magnanimous president. 

Aaron. Honest, will I? 

Lizzie. And how proud your paw will be when it comes 
out in the Splinterville Bugle. 

Aaron. But it will make the other fellows here all mad 
at me. 

Lizzie. What's the difference? But, Aaron, if you do 
get to be president, you'll like me just the same, won't you? 

Aaron. You bet I will. You're the finest girl in town. 

Lizzie. I could 'a sank right under the table at break- 
fast this morning when you discovered that I was only a 
waitress. 

Aaron. That don't make no difference to me, Lizzie. 
Tonight you and me will go to the moving picture show, 
just like we used to at Splinterville. 

Lizzie. Til be charmed. That'll be jest gorgeous! 

Aaron {close to her). Llonest, Lizzie, you're a peach! 

Lizzie (bashfully). Now you're making fun of me. 

Aaron. No, I ain't either. I like you better than any 
other girl. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 51 

Lizzie {bashful business). Now you stop, Aaron. 
Aaron {taking her hand). Do you like me, Lizzie? 
Lizzie. I think you're jest gorgeous! 

Enter Mrs.Xhubb front R. 

Mrs. Chubb. Why, Lizzie, I'm surprised. 

Lizzie. Yes'm, I'm somewhat surprised myself. 

Aaron {in confusion). I was just hunting my catalogue. 

Mrs. Chubb. Did you find it? 

Aaron. Not yet. I think I'll look in my room. {Exit 
L.y hurriedly.) 

Lizzie. Aaron used to be my beau back in Splinterville. 

Mrs. Chubb. I think he's a real nice young man. 

Lizzie. He's a dream, a^ regular dream! {Knock on 
C. D.) It's Mis' Pickens. 

Mrs. Chubb {crossing to door and opening it). Why, 
Violet, I'm real glad to see you this morning.^ 

Enter Mrs. Pickens, C. D. 

Mrs. Pickens. I'm dreadfully flustrated, Mrs. Chubb, 
and I ain't got a minute to spare; what with cooking and 
slaving fer eleven students, and every one a regular hyena 
in a Norfolk jacket, and goin' my own errands, and the 
price of provisions going right steadily up, and me a poor 
widow woman who has a hard time, I can't scarcely git 
along. 

Mrs. Chubb. Do set down and rest a minute, anyhow. 
Shall I get you a drink of water? 

Mrs. Pickens. No, thanks. I'll git one as I go through 
the campus. {Sits and rocks.) I ain't got a minute to stay. 
All my breakfast dishes is yet to be cleaned and there ain't 
an upstairs room been touched this morning. 

Mrs. Chubb {sitting). I was just finishing in here. 
Lizzie ! 

Lizzie, Yes, ma'am? 

Mrs. Chubb. Would you mind doing the rooms this 
morning? 

Lizzie. Not at all, Mrs. Chubb. I'll be delighted. {Cross 
to door at L.) No wonder the students call this the model 
boarding-house. {Exit L.) 



52 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Mrs. Pickens. The idea of askin' that girl if she'd mind 
cleaning the rooms. Why don't you order her to clean 
them, like you should. 

Mrs. Chubb. That ain't my way. Lizzie Maud's a real 
good girl and always does just right, if she's treated well. 

Mrs. Pickens. You're too easy on folks, Mary Chubb. 
That's why you have to work so hard yourself. Have you 
heard the news? 

Mrs. Chubb. No, what is it? 

Mrs. Pickens. Them students was out hazing again 
last night. I think it's jest awful the way they let them 
carry on. Somebody ought to put a stop to it. What do 
you think they did? 

Mrs. Chubb. I haven't the least idea. I've lived in a 
college town ten years now and there's no telling what 
they'll do next. 

Mrs. Pickens. They threw one of the new students 
into the lake — that's what they did. Ain't it awful? Some 
of 'em'll be drowned the first thing we know, and then 
what will they say? 

Mrs. Chubb. Oh, they don't mean any real harm, I 
guess. 

Mrs. Pickens. And folks say it was some of the boys 
here at your house. 

Mrs. Chubb. Oh, I hope not. My boys are all such nice 
young men. 

Mrs. Pickens. They're students ! And that's enough f er 
me. And students is students, the hull world over. If they 
stay at home, and study their lessons, they don't do any- 
thing but burn light all night long; and if they're the other 
kind, they're jist as liable to set your house on fire as not. 

Mrs. Chubb. Have you ever tried keeping young ladies ? 

Mrs. Pickens. Have I? Heaven preserve me from 
young lady boarders. It's true the boys are noisy, but 
the girls! They're nosey. Now, I'll leave it to you, which 
is the worst, noisin' or nosin'? 

Mrs. Chubb. I just have four this year. 

Mrs. Pickens. And I have eleven; and, believe me er 
not, Mary Chubb, they're bringin' my gray hairs in sor- 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 53 

row to the grave. I jest dropped in to see if yau didn't 
want to go down town with me. They're having a special 
sale at 's. {Name local department store.) 

Mrs. Chubb. No, Violet, I don't think I can. I got so 
much to do this morning. 

Mrs. Pickens. You jest work yourself into a decline — 
and I ask you, what thanks do you git fer it? What thanks 
do you git? (Rises.) Well, I must be getting on. I'm 
worked to death, Mary ; them students '11 drive me into an 
early grave. (Starts to door C.) Then you can't come 
down town? 

Mrs. Chubb. Not this morning. 

Mrs. Pickens (comes back to Mrs. Chubb). Ain't it 
awful the way the meat trust is hammering us poor board- 
ing-house ladies lately? I'm only going to have meat twice 
a day at our house. I've studied dietetics and there's every 
bit as much nourishment in rice as there is^ in stewed 
chicken — so I'm goin' to give 'em rice. 

Mrs. Chubb. My boys all like chicken. We have it 
twice a week now. 

Mrs. Pickens. And then oatmeal is jest full of nour- 
ishment, and it's so cheap. I bought a whole barrel full. 
I've got it to burn, and sometimes I do. But I must go. 
(Crosses to door.) Are you sure you don't want to go down 
town ? 

Mrs. Chubb. Not this morning, Violet. 

Mrs. Pickens (coming back). Oh, I forgot to tell you! 
The Sophomores and the Freshmen are going to have an 
awful fight tonight. If you want to go, I'll stop by for 
you. They say it won't be as tame as last year. 

Mrs. Chubb. I guess I can't go out tonight, Violet. 
When Mr. Chubb is home, I always like to stay with him. 

Mrs. Pickens. But he isn't home much at night, is he? 

Mrs. Chubb. Not as much as I'd like to have him. 

Mrs. Pickens. I think it's a shame the way that man 
loafs, day in and day out. Of course, I wouldn't say so to 
anyone but you, but I'm a friend and I always say what I 
think. Well, good-bye! (Cross up.) 

Mrs. Chubb. Good-bye, Violet. 



54 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Mrs. Pickens (coming back). Is there anything you 
want me to get for you downtown? 

Mrs. Chubb. I can't think of anything just now. Good- 
bye. 

Mrs. Pickens. Good-bye. I haven't got a minute to 
spare. It's nothing but slave, slave, slave all day long 
and half the night for me. Sometimes I wish there wasn't 
a student in America. Well, good-bye. 

Mrs. Ghubb. Good-bye. (Knock at C. D.) 

Mrs. Pickens. There's someone knocking, Mary. 

Mrs. Chubb (Crosses to door and opens it). Good 
morning. 

Evelyn, Lois, Cherry and Loretta appear at door. 

Evelyn. Mrs. Chubb ? 

Mrs. Chubb. Yes, ma'am. Come right in. (The Girls 
come down stage.) Must you really go, Violet? 

Mrs. Pickens. Well, not right away. I guess the down 
town'll keep. 

Evelyn. Mrs. Chubb, we are looking for a room. 

Mrs. Chubb. I'm awfully sorry, young ladies, but I 
haven't any left. 

Mrs. Pickens. Have you tried Mis' Simmons. She 
told me last night that she had a nice front — 

Evelyn (paying no attention). Our house is over- 
crowded this year and we four thought we would like to 
room outside. We have heard that you keep the most 
home-like house in town. 

Mrs. Chubb. The idea ! Violet here has real nice rooms, 
too. 

Evelyn. We couldn't consider any other place. Couldn't 
you possibly let us have two rooms? 

Lois. Yes, dear Mrs. Chubb! 

Cherry. As a kind of personal favor. 

Mrs. Chubb. I have a nice double room here on the 
ground floor that I might let you have. I might ask the 
young men to move upstairs, and then you could all be 
together down here. 

Loretta. That would be lovely. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 55 

Mrs. Chubb. I don't think Mr. Carter would mind and 
I'm sure Mr. Jervis wouldn't. 

Evelyn. I can answer for Mr. Carter. I know he'll lei 
us have the room. 

Lois. And I am equally sure of Mr. Jervis. 

Mrs. Chubb. I'd be awfully glad to have you girls. I've 
always wanted some girl roomers. 

Mrs. Pickens. Mary, remember what I told you. 

Evelyn. Could we look at the room, Mrs. Chubb? 

Mrs. Chubb. Of course. They're right in here. The 
boys have gone out. Step in here. (Exit L.) 

Mrs. Pickens. I don't approve of boys and girls room- 
ing in the same house. I never allow it at my house. Don't 
you girls think that Mrs. Chubb's prices are a leetle high? 

Lois. We're willing to pay her prices to enjoy the privi- 
lege of rooming with the Angel. Come, girls. {Exeunt 
Girls, L.) 

Mrs. Pickens. The impertinence of these here co-eds! 
They just want to room here to run after the boys. I ain't 
lived ten years in a college town for nothing. 

Enter Chubb, C, 

Chubb. Morning, Mrs. Pickens. What have the stu- 
dents been doing to you now? 

Mrs. Pickens. Been doing to mef There ain't a stu- 
dent living who can get the best of Violet Pickens ; and 
don't you f orgit that, Hennery Chubb ! 

Chubb. Pleasant weather we're having for September. 

Mrs. Pickens. A hard working woman like me don't 
have no time to look at the weather. I tell you, Hennery 
Chubb, that me and your wife are downright slaves, jest 
wearing ourselves away to shadders workin' and frettin' 
to make an honest living. 

Chubb. I've been telling Mary she ought to get more 
help. 

Mrs. Pickens. Why don't you help her yourself? 

Chubb. Me? I'm a sick man, Mis' Pickens. No tellin' 
what time I'll shuffle off this mortal coil. 

Mrs. Pickens. Sick? What's the matter with you? 



56 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

CiiUBB. It's my back. Sometimes I think I inherited 
plumbago. Then I'm troubled with nerves, too. I ain't 
a well man at all. 

Mrs. Pickens. I reckon that the only thing the matter 
with you is spring fever. 

Chubb. Yes, I think I've got that, too. 

Mrs. Pickens. No wonder Mary has to slave herself 
to death. 

Chubb. My wife doesn't have to do that, and you know 
it, Violet Pickens. If I could *git my pension back from 
the government she'd never have to do another lick of 
work. 

Mrs. Pickens. Yes, and if you'd buckle down and git 
a job, she'd be better off. 

CntiBB. Now, you know that I do all that I kin. I'm 
not an able-bodied man, Violet Pickens. 

Mrs. Pickens. Bosh! You've got the strength of an ox. 

Chubb {scandalized). The idea! That's preposterous. 
Do you hear — preposterous. Everyone in town knows that 
I'm afflicted. 

Mrs. Pickens. Everyone knows that your wife is af- 
flicted with a lazy, no-count husband who don't earn his 
salt. 

Chubb. Now, Mis' Pickens, you'll git me right angry 
in a minute. 

Mrs. Pickens. I always say what I think. That's al- 
ways been my sentiment. 

Chubb. I gather, then, that you don't think much of 
me? 

Mrs. Pickens. You've gathered the truth. I don't! 

Chubb. And I'm a sick man, too. You ought to have 
some consideration for a sick man, who's got one foot in 
the grave. 

Mrs. Pickens. You act like you'd got both feet there! 
Why don't you go in and help your wife right now ? She's 
got four new roomers. Girls. And every last one of 'em 
will want curtains hung up and trunks dragged in and 
goodness only knows what ! 

Chubb. Four new roomers? And girls? {Gets hat 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 57 

quickly.) I've got to go downtown. Right away. I've got 
a friend waiting for me at the corner of the campus. 

Mrs. Pickens. You'd better stay here and help your 
wife! 

Chubb. I can't do it. I'd like to; honestly I would. 
But when you have a weak back with the misery in your 
spine, you jest can't do any manual labor. I reckon Lizzie 
can help 'em hang their old curtains. {Crosses to C. D.) 

Mrs. Pickens. Hennery Chubb, why don't you brace 
up and be a man. What would your daughter say if she 
should come home and find her mother doing all the work? 

Chubb. Now, Mis' Pickens, you do pick on a poor sick 
man so. You ought to be ashamed. And me with one 
foot in the grave! 

Mrs. Pickens. What would Dollie say? That's what 
I'd like to know. 

Chubb. Dollie ain't here. She's making forty dollars a 
week traveling on the moving picture circuit. She's a sing- 
eress and a big favorite with the audiences. Dollie takes 
after her old paw. 

Mrs. Pickens. I hope she ain't as lazy as you are. 

Chubb. There you go agin. Mis' Pickens, you ain't no 
right to talk to an afflicted man like you do. Some day, 
when Pm gone, you'll be sorry fer them unkind words. 

Mrs. Pickens. Bah ! Don't talk to me. Thank goodness 
I'm a widow. If you was my husband — 

Cpiubb. Don't try to imagine anything so awful. I'd 
rather be afflicted like I am now. Well, I got to go down 
town. Morning, Mis' Pickens. {Exit Chubb, C. D.) 

Mrs. Pickens. That man is enough to disgust any girl 
with married life. And my husband was jest as like him 
as two peas. Sometimes there is a lot of consolation in 
being a widow. 

Enter Mrs. Chubb from L., followed by Evelyn, 
Lois, Cherry and Loretta. 

Evelyn. Everything is entirely satisfactory, Mrs. 
Chubb. 

Lois. Yes, indeed. We'll move over this morning. 



S8 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Mrs. Chubb. The boys will be back at eleven o'clock. 
I hope they won't object to the upstairs room. 

LoRETTA. Of course they won't. The age of chivalry 
isn't quite passed. 

Cherry {to Lois). And to think that I'm going to room 
^ in the very house with Mr. Jamieson. It's just like fate, 
isn't it? 

Lois. What will Mr. Harold of Dayton say? 

Cherry. What he don't know won't hurt him. Of course 
I like him the best, but I'm sure college boys are awfully 
nice, too. 

LoRETTA. Come on, girls. We've got just two minutes 
to reach the main building. (Girls hurry to C. D.) 

Mrs. Chubb. I'll look for you, then, this morning. 

Evelyn. We'll be here. Good morning. {Exit C. D.) 

Cherry, Lois and Loretta. We're awfully glad you 
took us in. Good-bye. {Exeunt Girls, CD.) 

Mrs. Pickens. Now, seen what you've done! Just piled 
up more work for yourself. Those four girls will cause 
more disturbance than twenty boys. Mark my words, 
Mary Chubb, you'll regret this step. 

Mrs. Chubb. I don't think I will, Violet. I just love to 
have girls around the house. And then they didn't have any 
other place to go. Suppose my Dollie was in that fix ? 

Mrs. Pickens. Oh, I guess Dollie can take care of 
herself. Especially when she makes forty dollars a week. 

Mrs. Chubb. I suppose she can, Violet. But she must 
get awfully lonesome playing vaudeville in all them little 
towns. 

Mrs. Pickens. Well, I can't stay another minute. {Cross 
to door C.) 

Mrs. Chubb. Come in and see me again, Violet. 

Mrs. Pickens {coming back to her). Now you be firm 
right from the very start with them girls. Don't let them 
run over you. Tell them that they can have company onh' 
once a week and that by no manner of means are they 
allowed in the kitchen or laundry. And don't let 'em cook 
in their rooms. 

Mrs. Chubb. I'll remember your advice, Violet. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 59 

Mrs. Pickens {looking at watch). My lands! It's nearly 
'leven o'clock ! And I ain't got a thing for dinner yet. 
{Cross to door.) They'd ought to have a special gilded 
throne in heaven for ladies who has to keep student 
boarders. 

Mrs. Chubb. I do hope that I can please the young 
ladies. 

Mrs. Pickens. Now don't you be too easy with them. 
{Comes down.) It seems like I had something more to 
tell you, but fer the life of me I can't think what it is. 
I think we boarding-house ladies ought to form a trust or 
a union or something like that. They do say that Mrs. 
O'Brien is letting her rooms at two dollars a week! Who- 
ever heard of the like! 

Mrs. Chubb. Some students can't afford to pay any 
more. 

Mrs. Pickens. That's their lookout, not ours. I always 
did say that you were too soft-hearted, Mary. {Cross 
up.) Well, I simply must be going now. Good-bye. 

Mrs. Chubb. Drop in again, Violet. 

Mrs. Pickens. I will. Come over and see me. Good- 
bye. {Exit C. D.) 

Mrs. Chubb. Poor Violet. She does have such a time 
getting anything done. That ain't my way. When any- 
thing has to be done, I go ahead and do it. What's the use 
of worrying? 

Mrs. Pickens, entering C. D. 

Mrs. Pickens. Did I tell you about the new mail order 
house? They're selling hams and bacon at twenty-two 
cents. That's seven cents cheaper than the groceries. 

Mrs. Chubb. I always trade w^ith Mr. Borger. You see 
he's a friend of Hennery's and is a real nice man. 

Mrs. Pickens. Well, I just thought I'd let you know. 

Mrs. Chubb. Thank you, Violet. 

Mrs. Pickens. Well good-bye. {Exit CD.) 

Mrs. Chubb. Good-bye. I sometimes wish that I haa 
as much energy as Violet. And then again sometimes I 
don't. 



60 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Enter Lizzie from L. 

Lizzie. I've cleaned everything up real nice, Mis' Chubb. 
Now you jest set still and rest a spell and let me get 
dinner. 

Mrs. Chubb. The idea! You talk like I was an old 
woman. 

Lizzie. Well, let me help you anyhow. 

Mrs. Chubb. Come along, then. What do you think of 
the new roomers? 

Lizzie. I reckon they're as good as the rest of 'em. 
They're kind o' toney, but they'll have to understand right 
from the first that I ain't no human slave to wait on co- 
eds. No, ma'am, and that's no nursery tale! 

Mrs. Chubb. They all appeared like real nice girls. I 
know we're going to be real cosy here together. 

Lizzie. Far be it from me to cast any reflections, much 
less insinuations, but if they go flirting around with my 
fellow there's going to be trouble right from the start. 

Mrs. Chubb (cdossing to R.), Oh, they won't do that! 

Lizzie (following her). You never can tell about those 
co-eds. They'd flirt with a lamppost if it had on a Norfolk 
jacket. (Exit R.) 

Mrs. Chubb. Oh, Elyzabethe, you're so funny. (Exit 
L., laughing.) 

Enter Beau, Pepper and Happy, C. D., with hooks, 
caps, etc. 

Beau. You were as much to blame as they were. You 
might have recognized me. 

Pepper. I didn't myself, but maybe some of the other 
fellows did, and maybe that's the reason you got it as hard 
as you did. (Laughs.) Honest, Beau, you must excuse me, 
but I can't help laughing. You made such a funny looking 
mermaid in the lake. 

Beau. Oh, cut the comedy! We'll get him tonight. 

Happy. You wnll if you don't meet Lizzie Maud first. 
That girl is sharper'n tacks. Wasn't she the wise little sister, 
though, when she told Beau that Miss Newcomb wanted 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 61 

him to wait for her? Talk about your gilded bait. He 
swallowed it, hook, bait and sinker! {Laughs.) 

Beau. I suppose it's all over college by this time. 

Happy. Of course it is. Didn't you hear Lois and 
Evelyn referring to the man-eating shark? They meant 
you. 

Beau. Well, beHeve me, he won't escape so easily 
tonight. 

Pepper. Going after him again, are you? You'd better 
get your life insured this time. 

Beau. I won't need it ; but he'll get all that's coming to 
him. 

Enter Chubb, C. D., with telegram in envelope. 

Chubb. Mr. Carter, Mr. Carter, I've got a telegrarn for 
you. I saw it down at the office and thought that it was 
something very important. I ran all the way. {Gives tele- 
gram to Beau.) 

Beau. Thank you. Here's a little something for your 
trouble. {Gives him coin.) 

Chubb. Thank ye, kindly, Mr. Carter. You've got the 
principles of a true gent, you have. 

Beau {absentmindedly). Don't mention it. 

Chubb. No, sir ; I won't. Gentlemen, excuse me. I've 
got a friend waiting down the street for me. {Crosses up 
to door C.) Excuse me. I'll have to hurry, for my friend's 
mighty dry — I mean my friend is mighty impatient. Morn- 
ing, gents. {Exit C. D.) 

Beau {opens telegram ^ reads, whistles with astonish- 
ment). Great day in the morning! {Reads.) 

Happy. No bad news, I hope? 

Beau. Astounding! What do you think? It's from Bus- 
ter Gibson. 

Pepper. What's happened to Buster? 

Beau. It's about a Freshman. He wants us to look up 
and nab him. Old Stephen J. Boggs' grandson. 

Happy. Has he got a grandson here at college? 

Beau. It seems so. Just listen to this. {Reads.) ''Let 
the whole crowd get busy and rush the life out of Aaron 
Boggs-" 



62 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Happy and Pepper. Aaron Boggs ! From Splinterville ? 

Beau. ''He is the only grandson and heir of Stephen J. 
Boggs, the multi-miUionaire. Came from SpHnterville last 
evening. Rush hard and get him quick. Worth twenty 
million. Nab him, chloroform him, soak him, but get him; 
be sure you get him. No matter how he looks or what he 
does. The grandson of Stephen J. can do no wrong. 
Luck to you. Buster Gibson." 

Happy (whistles). Entertaining angels unawares. 

Pepper. Worth twenty million! He don't look like 
twenty cents. 

Beau. That's sometimes the way. I always thought the 
lad looked rather distinguished. 

Pepper. How much is the grandfather worth? 

Happy. About sixty million. 

Beau. Nonsense. He's probably worth ten or twelve 
million. Everyone exaggerates so. 

Happy. Only ten or twelve million! I wonder how he 
manages to live! 

Pepper. Well, what do you think about it? 

Beau. I think it would be the greatest thing that Theta 
Nu ever did, if we could land the grandson of Stephen J. 
Boggs. 

Happy. Then you're for him? 

Beau. For him ? For the grandson of Stephen J. ? Why, 
every bunch in college will be working like beavers inside 
of twenty-four hours. We've got the inside track. We 
must get him at once. 

Pepper. He looks like an awful Silas to me. 

Beau. What difference does that make? I guess we can 
tame him down and get him a decent tailor. He won't look 
half bad when he's fixed up. 

Happy. You make a date with him, Pepper, and bring 
him over to the house for dinner. We'll see what the rest 
of the bunch thinks. 

Beau. There's no other way to think! If he's Stephen 
J. Boggs' grandson he'll get the biggest rush of the season. 

Happy. Don't count your chickens, Pepper. We've 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 63 

treated him pretty rough so far. Maybe he'll turn in and 
freeze us out. 

Beau. It will mean lots of work for us. We'll have to 
rush and rush hard. He'll be back here at ten. Will you be 
there, Happy? 

Happy. Well, I could cut Greek. 

Pepper. And I might cut English. For the good of the 
cause, you know. 

Beau. Maybe we can get Evelyn to help us. She's just 
crazy about multi-millionaires. 

Pepper. Better get Lizzie Maud. He seems to have 
taken a shine to her already. 

Happy. That shows he's a millionaire. 

Beau. Maybe he'd present the Chapter with a touring 
car. 

Pepper. More'n likely he'll sell them a gold brick. He 
doesn't look as though he made a daily practice of giving 
away touring cars. 

Enter Evelyn, C. D. 

Evelyn. Hello, boys. 

All. Good morning. 

Beau. This is indeed a pleasure. 

Evelyn. Why, haven't you heard the news? We're go- 
ing to live here. 

Beau. To live here? 

Evelyn. Yes. Loretta, Lois, that little Freshman Cherry 
Carruthers, and myself. The house was crowded and so 
we four thought we'd come over here. We've heard so 
much about the Angel. 

Pepper. And has she taken you? 

Evelyn. Of course she has. Who could resist the four 
of us? 

Happy. Gee, that's the greatest news I've heard since 
they closed the poker joints. Why, we'll be the original 
little happy family. That little Freshman^ Miss Carruth- 
ers, is the sweetest little nectarine, believe me ! 

Evelyn. I just ran in to ask you and Pepper if you 
would mind taking the room upstairs and giving us the 
double room down here. 



64 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Pepper. Mind; not at all! 

Beau. We'll give you anything in the whole house. 
Even unto the half of my kingdom. 

Evelyn. Is Mrs. Chubb here? 

Beau. Yes. She's generally in the kitchen. Shall I call 
her? 

Evelyn. I want to see her. The man is bringing our 
luggage over and we'll have him take your things upstairs. 

Pepper. All right. Pll go in and pack up. (Exit L.) 

Beau. Say, Happy, you run along and try to corral the 
Freshman. 

Happy. All right. (Crosses to C. D.) The rush be- 
gins ! Miss Newcomb, Pm after the biggest thing that ever 
struck the University. (Exit CD.) 

Evelyn (calling after him). Luck to you. How many 
have you pledged. Beau? 

Beau. Only one. 

Evelyn. Isn't that unfortunate! 

Beau. He was the only one who could measure up to 
our standard, so far. 

Evelyn. Really! Such ordinary looking boys are enter- 
ing the University this year. I never saw such an impos- 
sible crowd. 

Beau. I think we're getting too democratic. 

Evelyn. Why, only this morning a young woman I had 
never met actually spoke to me. She asked me the way 
to the president's office. Only fancy! 

Beau. They don't know any better. They're only 
Freshmen. After they've been here a few months they'll 
leaVn their proper sphere and treat us respectfully. Have 
you seen Button Simpson yet? He came in on last night's 
train with three trunks full of clothes direct from London. 

Evelyn. Really! Did he ask after me? 

Beau. Of course ; the very first thing. He tried to get 
a room here, but the Angel couldn't accommodate him. 
He says that even the Chapter houses are becoming en- 
tirely too democratic. He can't stand La Farge. His father 
is on salary, you know. 

Evelyn. Really! 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 65 

Beau. I wasn't sure at first, so, unfortunately for me, 
I gave him the benefit of the doubt. 

Evelyn. I'm so sorry you have only one new man. 1 
wish I could help you. 

Beau. Maybe you can. 

Evelyn. Whatever can I do? 

Beau. There's a young fellow here at the house that 
some of our fellows are considering. He is the grandson 
of Stephen J. Boggs. 

Evelyn. Only fancy! The grandson of Stephen J. 
Boggs here at college! 

Beau. Yes. He is the Freshman you saw with his 
father on the campus yesterday. 

Evelyn. Not that farmer? 
' Beau. That's the lad. Strange, isn't it? 

Evelyn. Are you sure he is related to the multi-mil- 
loinaire ? 

Beau. Absolutely. We got a telegram from Buster 
Gibson this morning. 

Evelyn. He didn't look like the heir to twenty million, 
did he? 

Beau. That's always the way. When they get as rich 
as that it is almost impossible to spot them. But we'll 
make a man of him here. 

Evelyn. I'll do anything I can to help you. 

Beau. I certainly do appreciate that, Evelyn. All our 
fellows do. 

Evelyn. Is anyone else after him? 

Beau. I don't think so. We'll strike him while the iron 
is hot. Can you come over to a little dance tonight? 

Evelyn. I think so. 

Beau. I'll tell you what I'll do. Suppose you go with 
him. That will give you a good chance to put in a good 
word for us. 

Evelyn. But he looks so impossible! 

Beau. Probably he is just as impossible as he looks — 
now. But remember, his grandfather is Stephen J. Boggs. 

Evelyn. I'll go with him. Did you say he was rooming 
here? 



66 AARON- BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Beau. Yes, with Happy. We have him surrounded. 
Enter Cherry^ Lois and Loretta, C D. 

Beau. Good morning, ladies. 

All. Good morning. 

Beau. Evelyn has just been telling me the good news. 
Let me be the first to welcome you to the best boarding- 
house in town. 

Lois. Isn't it just dandy! We'll have some awfully good 
times. • 

Beau. Girls, we're going to have a little informal over 
to our house tonight. You're all invited. Can you ar- 
range it? 

Lois. Thanks awfully. I'll be delighted. 

LoRETTA. Yes, indeed. 

Cherry (importantly). I'm awfully sorry, but I have 
another engagement tonight. 

Lois. Oh, Happy will be there. 

Cherry (eagerly). Will he? Then, I'll be there, too. 

Loretta. You boys give such distingue informals. We 
always have such good times at your house. 

Lois. Evelyn, the transfer man is here with all our 
things. 

Enter Mrs. Chubb from R. 

Mrs. Chubb. I had the man take your things in the 
double room. Everything is ready for you. I hope you can 
get along with home cooking. 

Lois. Indeed, we can. Everyone in college knows about 
your home cooking. 

Evelyn. And after three years at the Hall it will seem 
like paradise. 

Mrs. Chubb. Especially with the nice young men I've 
got. If I do say it myself, I've got the four finest boys in 
college. 

Cherry. I'm sure you have. 

Loretta. Come, girls, let's see where the man is put- 
ting our things. 

Beau. Can I help you? I haven't anything until twelve 
o'clock. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 67 

Lois. Oh, yes. I want you to fix a cosy corner for us. 
Beau {without enthusiasm). Delighted, Fm sure. 
Cherry. And IVe got just oceans of pennants to put up. 
Beau. So pleased. 

LoRETTA. And I've brought my own curtains. 
Beau. Isn't that nice! 

Mrs. Chubb. My husband will help you when he comes 
back. Hennery is so obliging. 
Beau. Yes, he is. 

Enter Aaron^ C. D. He stops in confusion. 

Evelyn. Here's Mr. Boggs! {Goes to him.) 

Aaron {bashfully). How-de-do. My name is Aaron — 

Beau {goes to him cordially). Good morning, Mr. 
Boggs. Girls, let me present Mr. Boggs. He's a Freshman 
and one of the finest fellows in the University. 

Cherry. I met Mr. Boggs yesterday. (Girls surround 
Aaron.) 

Evelyn. Have you heard the news, Mr. Boggs? 

Aaron. No, ma'am; I ain't heard no news. 

Evelyn. Mrs. Chubb has taken us to room. Isn't that 
nice? 

Aaron. Yes, ma'am. Awfully nice. 

Evelyn. And we must be awfully good friends. 

Lois {aside to Loretta). Just look at Evelyn making 
eyes at the Freshman. I wonder what the attraction is? 

Loretta. He looks awfully countryfied to me. 

Lois. He was the student the boys were hazing last 
night. Evelyn isn't usually so gracious to Freshmen. 

Cherry {to Mrs. Chubb). I think I'll go in and try to 
put up some pennants. 

Enter Chubb, C. D. 

Mrs. Chubb. Here's Hennery now. Maybe he'll help 
you. Hennery ! 

Chubb. Yes, mother, I just dropped in — 

Mrs. Chubb. Miss Carruthers wants you to help her 
fix some pennants in her room. You will, won't you. 

Chubb. Why, of course I will. Let's see. Where did 
I leave that step-ladder? 



68 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Mrs. Chubb. It's in the woodshed. 

Chubb. Hadn't she better wait till after dinner? I can 
work so much better then. 

Beau. Nonsense. Come on, Mr. Chubb; let's put them 
up now. 

Chubb. All right. But I just happened to think. I've 
got to go downtown. 

Mrs. Chubb. What for? It's nearly dinner time. 

Chubb. I promised a friend of mine that I'd meet him 
on the corner. I like to forgot all about it. I'll tell you 
what I'll do. I'll hang your curtains and things for you 
this afternoon. 

Aaron. Maybe I could help you? 

Evelyn. Oh, no, not for the world! We couldn't think 
of asking you to hang curtains, Mr. Boggs. 

Lois (aside to Loretta). Will you listen to that! Won- 
ders will never cease. Maybe they'll make a match! 

Cherry. I just have to unpack my trunks. I'm afraid 
,all my hats will be mashed. (To Lois.) Coming? (Cross 
to L.) 

Lois. Yes, we'll help you. (Cross to L. zvith Loretta.) 

Mrs. Chubb. You ladies and gentlemen must excuse 
me. I'm getting dinner. (Exit R.) 

Beau. Come on, Chubb, and hang the curtains. 

Chubb. But I've got sich a pain in my back. 

Beau. There'll be a half dollar for you. 

Chubb (suddenly). Where's that step-ladder? (Loudly.) 
Maw, where did you say that step-ladder was? (Exit R.) 

Beau. Wait a minute. (Exit R.) 

Evelyn. Don't you think the campus is beautiful in 
September, Mr. Boggs? 

Aaron. Yes, ma'am, it's right pretty. 

Lois. Excuse me, Evelyn; we're going to hang the cur- 
tains. (Exit L., followed by Cherry and Loretta.) 

Evelyn. Do you think you are going to like it here at 
college ? 

Aaron. Yes, ma'am. 

Evelyn. There are a great many girls here. Some boys 
object to co-education. I think that is such a peculiar po- 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 69 

sition to take. You don't object to girls going to this 
school, do you? 

Aaron. No, ma'am, I don't object. 

Evelyn. I think it's ever so much nicer. They add a 
refining influence ; that is, if they are refined girls. 

Aaron. I think the girls here are real nice. 

Evelyn. Flatterer! I suppose you are quite a lady's 
man at home. 

Aaron. Yes, ma'am. The girls always look at me after 
church. 

Evelyn. Are there many pretty girls in your home 
town? 

Aaron. Quite some few. {Looks at her.) But I think 
the college girls are prettier. 

Evelyn {eyes cast down). Honest, do you? 

Aaron. That's what I think. 

Enter Beau from R., followed by Chubb zvith step- 
ladder. 

Beau {crossing to L. and knocking). May I come in? 

Lois, {inside L.). Of course. 

Beau. Bring the ladder in here, Chubb. {Exit L.) 

Chubb {swings the ladder around and nearly hits 
Aaron). All right, Mr. Carter. Jest as you say. {Starts 
tozvard L.) 

Evelyn. Mr. Chubb! 

Chubb {turns and swings ladder around, hitting 
Aaron). Did you call me? 

Evelyn. Yes. I want you to make a cosy corner in my 
room this afternoon. 

Chubb. Well, I'd like to real well, but I've got to see 
a friend of mine this afternoon. On business. Maybe I 
could make that cozy corner some time next week. 

Beau {off L.). Bring the ladder! 

Chubb {szvings ladder around). Yes, sir. I'm coming. 
{Trips over rug, falls to his knees with ladder. Aaron 
helps him up. He exits L., limping.) 

Evelyn. I was just going over to the campus. 

Aaron. So was I. 



70 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Evelyn. Isn't that lovely. We can go together. I hope 
we'll be awfully good friends. 

Aaron. So do I. {They cross to C. D.) 

Evelyn. I think it's going to be awfully cozy rooming 
here. 

Aaron. So do I. (They stroll off C. D.) 

Enter Lizzie in time to see them off, 

Lizzie. Well, what do you know about that! That girl 
is a human man-eater. She's after 'em all, and the more 
she's got, the more she wants. 

Beau, entering from L, 

Beau. I beg your pardon. 

Lizzie. It's time you did. 

Beau. Have you seen anything of Mr. Boggs? 

Lizzie. Yes, I did. The last I saw of him he was mak- 
ing tracks toward the main building and flirting with your 
girl. 

Beau. With Evelyn? That's good. 

LizziE. Is that what you call it? Say, she's the original 
little beau catcher, ain't she? 

Beau. Oh, Evelyn knows a good thing when she sees it. 

Enter Happy and Pepper, C. D. 

Happy. Say, Beau, have you seen anything of our man 
yet? 

Beau. He's over on .the campus with Evelyn. 

Happy. I think he's going to be a cinch. 

Lizzie. Mr. Jamieson, them remarks is totally uncalled 
for. Mr. Boggs is a perfect gentleman, if there ever was 
one. 

Pepper. He's a friend of yours, isn't he, Lizzie? 

Lizzie. Miss Feeny, please. 

Pepper. I beg your pardon. Miss Feeny. 

Lizzie. I've knowed Aaron since he was only that high. 
(Measures.) 

Happy. Let me see; he's the grandson of old Stephen 
J. Boggs, isn't he? 

Lizzie. I've always heard so. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 71 

Beau. Then he'll fall into some property, won't he? 

Lizzie. If he don't fall into the lake before, like you 
did. 

Happy (laughing). I think he's a pretty good chap. 

Lizzie. Mr. Jamieson, take it from me, he's a king 
among men. 

Pepper. Come on, fellows ; let's stroll over to the cam- 
pus. Strike while the iron is hot. 

Beau. Good idea. (Crosses to C. D.) Come on. (Exits 
C, followed by Happy and Pepper.) 

Lizzie. They've got the telegram. Aaron will get entree 
to the best social set in college. I might be a human slave 
working in a college boarding-house, but I'll give Aaron 
Boggs the best what is, or my name ain't Elyzabethe Mau- 
delia Feeny. (Exits R.) 

Enter Chubb from L, with step-ladder. 

Chubb. I declare, them girls worked me so hard that 
my nerves is all on edge, and I can feel the plumbago in 
my back. Guess I'll go downtown and git a dose of bitters. 
Nothing like bitters fer a nervous man with lumbago in 
his back. (Puts ladder in corner.) Jest got time to git 
downtown and back before dinner. (Cross to door.) Noth- 
ing to do around this house but work nowadays. And 
I'm a sick man, too. (Exits CD.) 

Enter Mrs. Chubb from R. 

Mrs. Chubb. Dinner's coming along nicely. I do hope 
those girls will be pleased with their first meal here. (Sits 
at C.) Now, I've jest got time to do this mending before 
I make the pies. It's going to seem just like old times to 
have girls in the house once more. They'll remind me so 
much of my little daughter. 

C D. softly opens and Dollie appears with suitcase. 

Mrs. Chubb. She's been gone two years now, playing on 
the stage in vaudeville, singing and dancing and cutting 
up just like she used to do at home. (Dollie noiselessly 
sets suitcase down and tiptoes down behind Mrs. Chubb.) 
Seems like she took most of the sunshine with her when 



12 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

she went away. (Dollie puts hands over Mrs. Chubb's 
eyes.) Elyzabethe, is that you? How you startled me! T 
was thinking of my own little girl. It isn't Elyzabethe! 
Who is it? "It's — it's — {opens arms) my little girl come 
home again. My little girl's come home again! 

DoLLiE. Mother, mother! {Embrace.) 

Mrs. Chubb {after a slight pause). I'm most faint 
for joy! 

DoLLiE. I just got in half an hour ago and wanted to 
take you by surprise. Oh, but I'm glad to see you again ! 
Where's father? 

Mrs. Chubb. He'll be here for dinner. 

DoLLiE. Poor old father! Still looking for a job? 

Mrs. Chubb. He ain't been real well, Dollie. Oh, I'm 
so glad to see you again! 

Dollie. I've been longing for this minute for nearly 
two years. Ihad a week's vacation and took the first train 
home. 

Mrs. Chubb. You're as pretty as a picture. 

Dollie. Now, mother ! Don't spoil me. I get enough 
of that on the road. And my little turn has been so suc- 
cessful. I've a good offer to go into musical comedy next 
season. I'm going to accept and they're going to feature 
me. Seventy dollars a week and all expenses. And you 
and dad are to come with me to New York. 

Mrs. Chubb. I'll give you your same little room. It's 
been waiting for two years, and I sometimes think that 
that little room has been lonesome, too, waiting for the 
little girl who went away. 

Dollie. But now^ I'm home and for a whole week. 
And then next year we can all be together. I want you 
to give up keeping boarders. You shouldn't work so hard. 
There's no need of it. 

Mrs. Chubb. I jest love to do it, Dorothy. And it ain't 
near as lonesome with a house full of students when you're 
away. 

Dollie. Is Lizzie here yet? I've bought her the loveli- 
est New York froclc And just wait till you see what I've 
got for you and dad. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. IZ 

Mrs. Chubb (sniffs). Don't you smell something burn- 
ing? I've got to look after my dinner. {Cross R,) 

DoLLiE. Give me a kitchen apron and Til help you. 

Mrs. Chubb. Now you stay right here till I come back. 

DoLLiE. Not me. Vm going to help cook. Come on 
mommy! (Exeunt R.) 

Enter Aaron, C. D. 

Aaron. My, but she's a nice girl. And she said she'd 
see me at the dance tonight. These fellows are awfully 
nice to me. I wonder if I'll have to get a new suit to wear 
to the dance tonight. And her name is Evelyn. She's the 
prettiest girl in school. 

Epiter Lizzie from R. 

Lizzie. Oh, Aaron, Mis' Chubb's daughter has come 
home to stay a week. Ain't that grand? She's on the stage 
and wears the loveliest clothes. Where have you been? 

Aaron. Over on the campus with Mr. Carter and the 
boys. 

Lizzie. How do you like college life by this time, 
Aaron ? 

Aaron. I didn't like it at all this morning, but the fel- 
lows are treating me great now. They're going to take 
me over to their house fer dinner and they're going to 
have a dance tonight. 

Lizzie. And I suppose you are going? 

Aaron. Sure I am. Happy is going to teach me the 
two-step and the tango. 

Lizzie. I suppose they'll be wanting you to join Theta 
Nu next. 

Aaron. Mr. Jervis did say something about it. Oh, 
Lizzie Maud, I think college life is going to be fine and 
dandy. 

Lizzie. I suppose when you join them that every yard 
of cross-barred muslin and natural waved switch in town 
will be makin' eyes at you. 

Aaron. What's the difference? You know I like you 
the best, Lizzie Maud. 

Lizzie. That may be what you think now. But, honest, 



74 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Aaron, you never can bank on a college man. He goes 
with one girl one night and springs the same old gag on 
another fairy the next morning. Tm sick and tired of it 
all. Vm going to make a grand getaway from this tank 
town in June. It's me for the five-cent picture show and 
the corner drug store-ice-cream soda of Splinterville after 
next June. 

Aaron. Splinterville is too dead even to get on the map. 

Lizzie. Why, Aaron Boggs ! Fm surprised — and ashamed 
— and humiliated to the dust, to hear you speak thataway 
of dear old Splinterville. 

Aaron. The boys back home are so tame. 

Lizzie. I don't care if they are; I'd rather have one of 
^'em than half a dozen of these society shawl-holders here 
at college. 

Aaron. Happy says he'll introduce me to all the swell- 
est folks in town tonight. 

Lizzie. Tonight? I thought you'd already made a date 
to take me to the moving picture palace tonight. 

Aaron. I did, that's right. And you know I won't go 
back on you, Lizzie. 

Lizzie. But I know you'd rather go to that dance. 
Now, wouldn't you? 

Aaron (hesitates). Well — 

Lizzie. You know you would. Well, go. It'll be all 
right with me. 

Aaron. Then, you don't care, Lizzie Maud? 

Lizzie. Care? Of course I don't. I want you to have 
a good time here at college. I'm only a waitress. 

Aaron. What if you are? You're as good as any of 'em. 

Lizzie. No, I ain't. You want one of these college 
Janes who can talk piffle and who has an attack of the 
giggles every two minutes. No, Aaron, I won't stand in 
the way. You go to the Theta Nu dance and have a good 
time. I'll— 

Aaron. What are going to do? 

Lizzie. Going to stay home and can cucumber pickles. 

Aaron. And you ain't mad? 

Lizzie. With you? No, Aaron, I ain't mad. I thought 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 75 

this morning that things would be Hke they used to be 
back home. But college makes a difference. 

Aaron. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. 

Lizzie. Yes, I'll wait on you at breakfast. 

Aaron. Don't think that this is going to make any dif- 
ference with me, Lizzie Maud. I like you every bit as 
much as I used to back in Splinterville. Only — 

Lizzie (softly). Only? 

Aaron. Well, this ain't Splinterville, is it? 

Lizzie (sadly). No, this ain't Splinterville. 

Enter Pepper, Beau and Happy from L. 

Beau. We've been looking all over the campus for you. 

Mr. Boggs. We want to take you over to the house now. 

There's a whole bunch of our fellows you haven't met yet. 

Pepper. I hope you'll like our fellows, Boggs. 

Aaron. Oh, I like them all right. I hope they'll like 

me. 

Happy (slapping him on the back). Oh, they're sure 
to like you. Because you're a jolly good fellow. • 

Pepper (sings) — 

For he's a jolly good fellow, 
Beau and Happy (joining in) — 

Fpr he's a jolly good fellow, 

For he's a jolly good fellow. 

Which nobody will deny." 

(They surround Aaron and move to C. D. and off 
stage, singing.) 

Lizzie (during the preceding scene has stood transfixed 
with her hands clasped. As Aaron exits she extends her 
arms toward him as if entreating him to stay. After a 
pause). And I thought he was the same old Aaron. 
(Pause, then low sob.) But he isn't; he isn't. 

Male Quartet (heard singing off stage) — 
Farewell, farewell, my own true love, 
Farewell, farewell, my own true love! 

Mrs. Chubb (off R.). Lizzie, are you there? (Singing 
continues softly.) 

Lizzie (sighs). Yes'm, I'm here. 



76 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Mrs. Chubb {ojf R.). Fve got the cucumbers all ready. 

Lizzie. Yes'm, Tm coming. {Pause. Singing con- 
tinues.) Oh, I can't! I can't. Why did I ever send that 
telegram? {Sinks on sofa and sobs.) It's all over; it's all 
over! [Sohs.) 

Slow Curtain. 



Act III. 



Same as Act II. A week later and about 7:30 p. in. 
Happy and Cherry discovered at table down L., making 
fudge on a chafing dish. 

Happy. You Freshmen certainly had a big time this 
afternoon. 

Cherry. Indeed, we did. It was our first class meeting. 

Happy. And Aaron was elected president. 

Cherry. Yes, a unanimous election. So many of the 
girls thought that when Casey Jones had Aaron put up, 
I^r. Carter would put up another candidate. 

Happy. I guess Mr. Carter is pretty well satisfied with 
the election. 

Cherry. Then Aaron was the candidate for both fac- 
tions ? 

Happy. That's the answer. Casey Jones and his crowd 
never dreamed that Aaron was the very man we wanted 
elected. 

Cherry {with excitement). Oh, I think college politics 
are just too exciting for anything. 

Happy. Look out, the fudge might burn. 

Cherry. Aaron is fast developing into a typical college 
sport. 

Happy. Yes, indeed. He looks like a poster. 

Cherry. Is he going to be in the crowd tonight? 

Happy. Of course. He rooms here at the house and 
we fellows are going to help make his college life profit- 
able. 

Cherry. That's awfully nice of you. 

Happy. Oh, we're not entirely disinterested. Some day 
he'll be one of our own crowd. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 11 

Cherry. Mr. Carter seems to have taken a great fancy 
to him. {^Cross to C.) 

Happy. Oh, yes, that's just like Beau. He's taken a 
great fancy to Miss Chubb, too. (Follozvs her.) 

Cherry. I've noticed it. We girls think she's a dear. 
All but Evelyn. 

Happy. Naturally she doesn't think so. 

Cherry. Why? 

Happy. Because the lady made such a hit with Beau. 

Cherry. She doesn't seem at all like an actress. She's 
perfectly refined and ladylike. And doesn't she dress in 
good taste? And looks — I think she's the prettiest girl 
I've ever seen. Don't you? 

Happy. Almost. I know one who's got her backed off 
the boards. 

Cherry. It must be that Miss Gladys the boys are al- 
ways joking you about it. 

Happy. No, it isn't, either — and I haven't heard from 
Gladys for an awful long time. I used to be crazy about 
her — but that was before I met you. (Tries to take her 
hand.) 

Cherry. Oh, Mr. Jamieson, look at the fudge! (Runs 
to table.) 

Happy. Oh, fudge! (Follows her after slight pause.) 

Cherry. Do you know I think you're an awful jollier. 

Happy. You misjudge me. I'm just as sincere as I can 
be. Now, honest, you don't think that I'd jolly you, do 
you? 

Cherry. I don't know. You see the men here at col- 
lege are so different from the men back in Dayton. 

Happy. You're always talking about the men in Day- 
ton. I'll bet you've got a steady there. That's why you 
go to the postoffice so much. 

Cherry. I have some awfully good friends at home — 
of course. 

Happy. That's always the way with college girls. They'll 
flirt around with a college man and then go back and 
marry the man at home. 



7^ AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Cherry {spiritedly). How about college men? They do 
the same thing. 

Happy. I never would do that. I never believe in going 
with two girls at the same time. 

Cherry. Now tell me the truth. Are you correspond- 
ing with some girl away from here? Aren't you? 

Happy. Look at the fudge. I think it's burning. 

Cherry. No, it isn't. You see I know all about you 
college men. I've learned a lot in two weeks. 

Happy. Honest, little Cherry Blossom, I'll cut out my 
correspondence if you want me to. 

Cherry. Of course I don't. It's nothing to me how 
many girls you write to, Mr. Jamieson. {Loftily crosses 
to C.) 

Happy. Now don't talk like that, little Cherry. {Comes 
to her.) I'd rather be here with you watching you make 
fudge than be talking to any other girl on earth. 

Cherry. Would you, honestly? 

Happy. You bet I would. And when I look at you 
with — {takes her hands). 

Enter Evelyn from L. Happy and Cherry spring 
apart and act unconcerned. 

Evelyn. Look out! You'll burn the fudge! {At C.) 

Cherry. I was just going to get some vanilla. 

"Evelyn. There's some in my room. Ask Lois for it. 

Cherry. Don't you let the fudge burn while I'm gone. 
{Exit L.) 

Happy. Well, Boggs was elected president of the class. 
{At R. C.) 

Evelyn. I'm so glad. Mr. Boggs is so interesting. He's 
quite the nicest Freshman I've ever met. 

Happy. And his grandfather is a multi-millionaire. 

Evelyn. Yes; but of course that makes no difference. 

Happy {sarcastically) . Of course not. It's taking Cherry 
a long time to find that vanilla. Excuse me, I'll go help 
her. {Crosses to L.) 

Evelyn. I thought you told me last week that you were 
engaged ? 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 79 

Happy. I did. But look at you and Beau Carter. 

Evelyn. Beau Carter! The idea. He does nothing but 
flirt with that Httle actress. 

Happy. Nothing else for him to do. You're always 
busy teaching Aaron Boggs how to take a joke. Back in 
a minute. Cherry, oh, Cherry! {Exits L.) 

Evelyn. He's becoming too impertinent for any use. 
ril have to cut him off my list. (Cross to L.) 

Enter Beau and Dollie, C D. 

DoLLiE {entering). And the most exciting thing about 
it all was that Mr. Boggs took the whole thing so calmly. 
{Comes down R,) Oh, I beg your pardon. 

Evelyn. I was just going. 

Beau. Boggs was elected. The Freshmen are bringing 
him home in triumph. 

Evelyn. I must go and congratulate him. I know you'll 
excuse me. {Exits C. D.) 

Dollie. Isn't she pretty? I wish I were a college belle 
instead of only a little vaudeville performer. 

Beau. Just wish that you were yourself. You couldn't 
be improved upon. {At R.) 

DoLLiE. Oh, Mr. Carter, you say the nicest things. 

Enter Happy and Cherry from L. 

Happy. Hello. What's all the excitement down the 
street ? 

Beau. The Freshmen are bringing their new president 
home in triumph. 

Cherry. The Freshmen! And I'm not there. {To 
Happy.) Now just see what you've made me miss. 

Happy. Come on; let's beat the fudge. {Takes chafing 
dish.) 

Cherry (to Dollie). Do you want to help us? 

Dollie. Indeed I do. Shall we, Mr. Carter? 

Beau. In a minute. {All exeunt L.) 

Noise outside C. D. Enter Aaron and Jones, C. D. 
College yell given off stage followed by nine rahs for 
Boggs. 



80 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

AarO;N (speaking out of window). Much obliged, fel- 
lows. Good-night. 

Voices. So long. Hurrah for Boggs! Freshmen! etc. 
(Dies away in distance.) 

Jones. Well, that was pretty neat, Boggs. 

Aaron. Hello, Casey, ain't you going to congratulate 
me? (Down C.) 

Jones. I don't know whether I am or not. (Down 
R. C.) 

Aaron. Why, what's the matter with you? I was 
elected, wasn't I? 

Jones. Oh^ yes, you were elected all right. The funny 
thing about the whole business is that Beau Carter's crowd 
didn't put up a rival candidate. 

Aaron. I don't see what difference that makes. 

Jones (slowly and with significance), li you'll stick to 
the side that elected you, it won't make any difference. 

Aaron. Seefns to me that both sides elected me. It was 
unanimous, you know. 

Jones. You understand what I mean. You are now 
president of the Freshmen class because I put you there. 
Not because they were too frightened to put up a candi- 
date. You are the representative of our faction and as 
such you are in honor bound to stand with the men who 
put you in. 

Aaron. I want to be friends with everybody. 

Jones. You mean you are trying to get into the Beau 
Carter set, don't you? 

Aaron (hotly). No, I don't. But even if I did I don't 
think that it is any of your affairs. 

Jones. They saw that one of our men was bound to be 
elected and now they are trying to make you act the Judas ! 
(Aaron crosses close to Jones.) 

Aaron. That'll be about enough from you, Casey Jones. 
I told you the very first day you asked me to run for presi- 
dent that I would stand by my convictions and not be run 
by any one faction or any one man — and that's just what 
I'm going to do! And if you don't like it, the best thing 
for you to do is to say good-night! 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN, 81 

Jones. If this crowd is so keen for you now, why did 
they wait till you came out for the presidency before they 
took you up? 

Aaron (hesitates). That's right — why did they? (Slight 
pause,) Well, what do you want me to do? 

Jones. I want you to come out in your true colors. I 
want you to take your stand on the side where men are 
treated as men because of their own worth, and not be- 
cause of the money their father has. 

Aaron. Honest, Casey, I think you misjudge those fel- 
lows. There's not a finer fellow anywhere than Jimmie 
Jamieson. 

Jones. Well, the best thing for you to do is to steer 
clear of that whole crowd. You can't afford to keep their 
pace, can you? 

Aaron. No, I guess not. 

Jones. Some of these college queens expect a man to 
spend as much as a dollar every time he takes her out. 
And if you go with that set youVe got to keep up your 
end. 

Aaron. I know it. Fve only been in college a week and 
I've spent two months' allowance already. 

Jones. That's the answer. 

Enter Lizzie, R. 

Jones. Good, evening. Miss Feeny. 

Lizzie (shakes hands with Jones). Good evening, M\ 
Jones. I'm awfully glad to see you. 

Aaron. Good evening, Lizzie. 

Lizzie (distantly). Good evening, Mr. Boggs. 

Jones. He's President Boggs now. We elected him this 
afternoon. 

Lizzie. Fm awfully glad, Aaron; honest, I am. (Cross 
to Aaron, L. C.) 

Aaron (nervously). Thank you, Lizzie. 

Lizzie (shaking hands). I suppose you'll allow an — old 
friend to congratulate you. 

Aaron. Lizzie, I want to speak to you. I've been wait- 
ing for two days and you'd never give me the chance. 



82 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Jones. Well, IVe got to be wandering along. (Cross to 
C. D.) Think over what I have said, Aaron. Maybe Miss 
Feeny can help you. Come over and take dinner with me 
tomorrow. 

Aaron. Thank you. I will. 

Jones. Good-night, both. {Exit C. D.) 

Aaron. Good-night. 

Lizzie. I guess you'll have to excuse me, Aaron ; there's 
a whole pile of work to be did. I'm awfully busy. 

Aaron. Let it go a while, Lizzie Maud. Now I want 
to know why you've been avoiding me here lately? 

Lizzie. I ain't been avoiding you. 

Aaron. Yes, you have. 

Lizzie. Well, I thought that was the very thing you 
wanted me to do. 

Aaron. I don't see why. 

Lizzie. Yes, you do. You know that Beau Carter and 
Pepper Jervis and Happy Jamieson jest look at me like a 
worm of the dust. Not to say nothing of Miss Evelyn 
Newcomb. Oh, Aaron, I've been a fool ! I sent a telegram 
and told a lie and acted wicked, and now I've got to bear 
the bitter, bitter consequences. 

Aaron. I don't believe it, Lizzie Maud. You're the best 
friend a fellow ever had. You're too good for me. 

Lizzie. But if you're ever going to be a society success 
with Beau Carter and his crowd, you can't be seen talking 
to a hired girl. 

Aaron. If Beau Carter and his crowd don't like who 
I talk to, they needn't listen. I'm sick of hearing every 
one say that the highest thing a man can get here at col- 
lege is recognition by that Beau Carter crowd. There's 
lots of other things worth while. There's other fellows and 
other girls, and the churches and the picture shows, and 
there's even studying to do. 

Lizzie. Yes— but it's jest grand to be in society. 

Aaron. If they like me for myself all right. But if they 
are only going with me because I'm president of the Fresh- 
man class — 

Lizzie. President of the Freshman class! Do you think 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 83 

that's the reason they've taken you up? Not much! What 
do they care for the president of the Freshman class? 

Aaron. Well, if that's not it, it must be because they 
really like me. I don't see any other reason. 

Lizzie. Maybe they think you're rich. 

Aaron. No, they don't. They've seen paw and they 
know we ain't rich. 

Lizzie. But ain't it awful nice to be with, them in their 
parties and dances and to know those girls? 

Aaron. No, it ain't. I'm getting sick and tired of it 
all. I'd a good deal rather go with you to the picture show 
tonight than take any of those girls to a dance. 

Lizzie. Aaron Boggs, if I thought you was telling the 
truth— 

Aaron. I am telling the truth. And I'll tell them so, 
too. If they are too good for you, Lizzie Maud, they're 
too good for me, too. 

Lizzie. Aaron, you're a king among men! 

Enter Beau from L. 

Beau. Hello, Boggs, I've been looking for you! 

Lizzie. Pray, don't let me keep you from your more 
important engagements, Mr. Boggs. 

Aaron. Don't go, Lizzie Maud. 

Lizzie. You fergit there's things in the kitchen to be 
did — and that's what I'm hired for. (Cross to door R.) 
Au reservoir! (Exit R.) 

Aaron. Lizzie Maud's a fine girl all right, all right. 

Beau. Do you think so? 

Aaron. You jest bet I do. I don't care if she is a 
waitress. 

Beau. I want to congratulate you on winning out as 
president of the Freshman class. It was sly work, old man. 

Aaron. Thank you. 

Beau. Wasn't Casey Jones up here a little while ago? 

Aaron. Yes. 

Beau. Now that you've won the election, I don't see 
that you have any further use for muckers like Casey 
Jones. 



84 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Aaron. Casey Jones is a friend of mine. 

Beau. Oh, that was before the election. 

Aaron. The election will make no difference. 

Beau. Yes, but you don't understand. Casey Jones is 
hardly in our set. 

Aaron. Well, I'm not either. 

Beau. No, but you're going to be. 

Aaron. Why? Just because I was elected president of 
the Freshmen class. 

Beau. Not at all. Do you think we extend our circle 
to include every officer in college? You are to be with us 
because the grandson of Stephen J. Boggs belongs to us. 
{Proudly.) 

Aaron. Grandson of who? 

Beau. Stephen J. Boggs, the richest man in the State. 

Aaron. I've heard of him. 

Beau {aghast). Heard of him? He's your grandfather, 
isn't he? 

Aaron. No. I wish he was. 

Beau. Isn't Stephen J. Boggs your grandfather? 

Aaron. I said he wasn't. My grandfathers are both 
dead. And each of them was an honest man — there wasn't 
a multi-millionaire in the bunch. 

Beau. Why, I don't understand. I — that is, we — I heard 
that you were his grandson. 

Aaron. Somebody's been stringing you. 

Beau. I don't understand it at all. 

Aaron. Is that the reason you wanted me in your set? 

Beau {confused). Well — not exactly — but that was a 
great recommendation. Of course under the circumstances 
— {hesitates) . 

Aaron. Under the circumstances you don't want me. 

Beau. I'll have to see the other fellows. 

Aaron. There ain't no use in that. I resign right now. 
There came near being a big mistake, but luckily I found 
it out in time. 

Beau. I'm awfully sorry that we made a mistake — 

Aaron. I think that I'm the one who made the mistake. 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 85 

You see, I thought you really wanted me for myself. (Bit- 
terly.) Funny, wasn't it? 

Enter Evelyn, C. D, 

Evelyn. Why, Mr. Boggs, I've been looking every- 
where for you. I want to congratulate you. It was a great 
success. 

Aaron. Thank you. Miss Newcomb. 

Beau (crossing L.). I'll see you later, Boggs. Save me 
a dance tonight, Evelyn. (Exits L.) 

Evelyn. Ever since Beau's been going with that actress 
he's unbearable, positively unbearable. I won't give him 
a single dance. Let him dance with that vaudeville queen. 
I've saved several for you, Mr. Boggs. 

Aaron. I don't think I'll go to the dance. 

Evelyn. Not go? How extraordinary! Why, it's in your 
honor. 

Aaron. The boys here at the house have made a big 
mistake. They thought that I was another fellow. They 
thought that I was the grandson of Stephen J. Boggs. 

Evelyn. Thought you were? Why, aren't you? 

Aaron. I've never even seen him. 

Evelyn. But you are going to join their crowd, aren't 
you? 

Aaron. No, I'm not. 

Evelyn. This is really extraordinary. 

Aaron. I don't think so. There's been a mistake made, 
but I've found my proper place in time. 

Evelyn, Really, I must be going. You'll excuse me, 
won't you? 
) Aaron. Yes, ma'am. 

Evelyn (crossing to L.). Wait till I find Beau Carter, 
I that's all. (Exits L.) 

Aaron. I guess Casey Jones was right after all. They 
\ don't none of 'em want me. I ain't got a friend in college. 

Not a friend. 
y Enter Lizzie from R. 

Lizzie. Aaron! 

Aaron. Lizzie Maud, I thought you'd gone down town. 



86 AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 

Lizzie. I didn't go. My escort didn't show up. 

Aaron. Say, do you want to go to the picture show 
with me? 

Lizzie. Do I? (Pause.) Do you want to take me? 

Enter Chubb, C D., slightly intoxicated. 

Chubb. Evening, Lizzie. Where going? 

Lizzie. Where am I going? That's a pretty question 
for you to be asking. I was looking for you. We've been 
waiting for that load of wood all day. 

Chubb. Waitin' fer what? 

Lizzie. Listen to him talk! And his poor married wife 
and me there in the kitchen all day working like human 
slaves and wearing our fingers to the bone peelin' onions 
for a bunch of snip-doodle students, and him downtown 
makin' a human faucet of hisself ! 

Chubb. Now, Elyzabethe, that ain't no way to talk to 
an aged and feeble man. I'm an invalid with spring fever 
and other complaints too numerous to mention, to say 
nothing of my plumbago. 

Lizzie. I don't see how you got the nerve to stand there 
and address them words to me. Your wife's been waiting 
for that load of wood all day. 

Chubb. Wood — what wood? 

Lizzie. Heavings, he's forgot all about it. Oh, these 
men, these men ! Now see here, Mr. Hennery Chubb, didn't 
you get that load of wood? 

Chubb. Got the load all right, all right — ^but I forgot 
the wood. 

Lizzie. And you call yourself a man! Heaven alone 
knows what we poor women suffer. 

Chubb. Where's my wife? 

Lizzie (pulls him up to R.). She is there. Go in and 
tell her your fairy tales. 

Chubb. I'm a sick man, Elyzabethe Maudelia, with the 
plumbago in my back and the spring fever. (Exit R.) 

Enter Happy and Cherry from L. 

Happy. Hello, Aaron. How's the president? 



AARON BOGGS, FRESHMAN. 87 

Aaron. Finer'n silk. How are you? (Happy crosses to 
him down L.) 

Happy {aside to Aaron). Everything's all right. We're 
engaged. 

Aaron. Who? You two? Shake! 

Happy. Ain't she all candy! She said she'd take me 
on one condition; that was easy — I entered college with 
six! 

Aaron. Are you going to the dance? 

Happy. Not us. Too big a crowd. We're going to the 
picture show. 

Exit Happy and Cherry^ C. D., merrily laughing and 
talking, 

Lizzie. Ain't some people lucky? 

Aaron. Yes, they are — and there's a reason* for it. It's 
because they find themselves. Some people spend weeks 
and months and some spend years finding themselves. 
Some never do. But you and me are going to be jest as 
happy as Jamieson and little Miss Cherry. It's taken me 
quite a while to learn where I belong here at college, but 
at last I've found myself — and I've found you. (Mufic: 
Any love song played softly.) 

Lizzie. Oh, Aaron, you talk like the hero in ''Wooed 
for Herself Alone." 

Aaron. And you and me are going to walk the road to 
happiness. 

Lizzie. With never a backward look or a sigh of regret. 

Aaron (changing tone). Get your hat, kid, and let's go 
to the movies. 

Lizzie. Heavings, but I'm happy. 

Aaron (after slight pause). So am I. (He takes her 
hands.) 

Slow Curtain. 



OCT 20 1913 

A Rustic Romeo 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A musical comedy in 2 acts, 10 males, 12 females. Only 5 
m. and 4 f. have lines. The rest are in the chorus. It can be 
played by 5 m., 4 f., eliminating the chorus. It will prove equally 
successful when produced without music. Time, 214, hours. Scenes: 
1 exterior, 1 interior. Characters: John Jabe Doolittle, the would- 
be heart smasher of Chowderville. Hink Spinny, who peddles 
tinware, woodenware and hardware everywhere. Sid Roberts, who 
longs for the * 'Great White Way." Azariah Figg, storekeeper. 
Grandpaw Blue, the oldest inhabitant. Evalina Tupper, the vil- 
lage belle. Miss Dee, a lovelorn critter. Mrs. Spriggs, looking 
for the third. Honeysuckle Spriggs, her little sunbeam. The 
Chowderville fire brigade and its charming society leaders, con- 
stitute the chorus. Contains ten exceptionally clever songs, hu- 
morous and sentimental. '*I Want a Big- Town Girl" is set to 
original music. The remainder are sung to familiar college airs. 
"Pretty Girls," "I'm Falling in Love Again," "Moonlight Sere- 
nade," "John Jabe's Wedding," "Over the Banister," "The Chow- 
der Fire Brigade," "Gay Manhattan," "Love's Waltz" and "On 
the Fourth of July." A most interesting plot wound about the 
events of a small town, which keeps one's interest keen until 
Figg finally locates his $70.00 and John Jabe gets a wife. This 
play is a decided novelty. Directions are given with the songs, 
explaining in detail how the chorus may be drilled to march, form 
figures, pictures, etc., which are very effective, yet in the range 
of amateurs. A clever stage director should make this show equpJ 
most metropolitan successes. Especially recommended for col- 
lege productions. Professional stage rights reserved and a royalty 
of five dollars required for amateur performance. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Chowderville on a busy day. Honeysuckle and St. 
Cecelia astonish the rubes. The boy whose father was bad. "Do 
I look like a tall-grass sister?" Miss Dee, a lone, lorn critter, tells 
of the awfulness of the world. The village belle and the Rustic 
Romeo. "Girls, girls, girls!' A matrimonial advertisement from 
a clinging little blonde named Golden-haired Flossie. Hink Spin- 
ney tries to propose to Evalina. "If I only had $70!" Mrs. Spriggs 
astonishes the natives. "I'll make you think a Kansas tornado has 
struck your town." A moonlight serenade. The robbery. "Who 
stole my $70?" 

Act II. — John Jabe's hotel on the Fourth of July. A country 
wedding. Honeysuckle and the four rubes. "Skidoo is New York 
talk for scat." The Fairfield Road folks come to the wedding. 
Miss Dee's wedding present, a bottle of Miggins' Stomach Balm, 
good "fer every ailment in the human cistern." An unwilling 
bridegroom. Figg catches the thief — almost. The Chowder fire 
brigade. A suspicious bride with a temper. Deserted on her 
wedding morn. "We'll be as happy as two little twin cubebs." A 
double w^edding and divided wedding presents. Figg recovers his 
$70. Patriotic finale: On the Fourth of July. 

"We played 'A Rustic Romeo' a few nights ago to a packed 
house. A dandy play for amateurs." — Tom Conley, Luling, Texas. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 



Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid. Unless Different Price is Given. 



M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyctone, 20 min. . . .'*4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min...... 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, • 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min. 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
<^reat Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4. 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min .1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min. ... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min " 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3' 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins* Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr... ... 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min . . .3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min...... 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min... 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. : 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 Z 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min... 5 2 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min .3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.'., 3 ^ 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who ? 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min.... 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. IV.ON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in* Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min. 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min... 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min . . . 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. . 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min ^ 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min :'. . 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min.... 1 1 
Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min#. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min. 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, .15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 jmin 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min ^ 1 

Special Sale, 15 min. .'. 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min... ..2 
Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min. 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



A ireat number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed io 

Denison's Cataloi^ue. 



T. S. DENISON £k COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



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1YDIA106UES 



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TS.DeNISON 



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are found 
books touching: 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
gfQod paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES ^ 

ts of Dialoi{ues. 

3ted, fine for^xulder pupils. 
Comic Dialogues. 
, clever; for young: people. 
n*s Comic Dialogues. 
a six to eleven years of ag:e. 
es from Dickens. 
een selections. 
lay Afternoon Dialogues. 
I copies sold. 
*is to Teens. 
•g:ues and recitations. 

ialo^ues. 

11 ag:es; mostly humorous. 

e Lessons are Over. 

8:ues, drills, plays. 

ake Dialogues. 

I new, orig:inal, successful. 

ERS. MONOLOGUES 

*ieces for Little People. 

d's speaker. 
ic Entertainer. 
ons,monolog:ues,dialo8:ues. 
eadinifs. 

Dutch, Ne8:ro, Scotch, etc. 
rite Speaker. 
i prose and poetry, 
ly Afternoon ^fiaker. 
ipils of all ag:e 
s Monolo^uetiji 
ilarly for ladies. 
les for Yound Folks. 
, humorous, orig:inal. 
3tic Speaker. 
' thoug:hts of masterminds 
cal Entertainer. 
ading: or speaking:. 
the Peepul. 

imor, satire; funny poems 
9k Recitations. 

collections, pathetic, hu 
5, descriptive, prose, poe 

Nos., per No. 25c. 




43 



: UKILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with orig:inality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monolog:ues, dialog:ues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

g:ames. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good ThinfEs for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialo8:ues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A g:em of a book. 
Little Folks' Bud|{et. 

Easy pieces to speak, song:s. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material.- 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor g:ames for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Keadin^s. 

New and novel; for all ag:es. 
Twinkling Finders and Swayinc 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

Thtt Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, dOc. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Soqtel i^^rd Games. ^^ 

ObiMlete in igjefj^^. 

MlNSTRELSrioKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's g:ag:s. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monolog:ues , stump speeches, etc. 
Lau|{hland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Nefiro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes. gag:s. etc. 

Lar^e Hlustrated Cataloiiue Free. 



!^ISON 8k COMPANY. Pablishers, 154 W. Randolph St., Ghicajo 













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Treatment Date: Sept. 2009 

PreservationTechnologies 

A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 

1 1 1 Thomson Park Drive 
a Cranberry Township, PA 1 6066 

(724)779-2111 








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